Tashi Delek Amigos,

That's a Tibetan greeting in honour of eating Mexican food at a Tibetan restaurant. My time in Thamel is winding down so I thought I would share a few things that caught my eye today.

I was up before many. Steel shutters lined the streets while I searched for breakfast. Street children remained curled like fetuses on concrete wombs. Their naked calloused feet tell of the miles they walk in search of daily survival. Their tattered filthy clothes cling to them like old friends. I slip quietly by feeling a tender-hearted sadness for these boys and the many others forced to the mean streets each day.

I sit in Raj's office. The marketing signs in the window frame the old man perfectly. He is a singing bowl seller. His face seems caved in by his years. He caresses a brass bowl in his weathered hand and strikes it with a mallet to start the vibration. To nurture notes, he lovingly runs the handle of the striker around the rim. He hears the music. He hopes the riveting note will draw someone with money in. No one appears to hear. Pedestrian traffic, motorcycles, and a few cars weave between him and me in the rutted, broken street. No one stops to listen. He plays another bowl. I am sad again.

I decide to get brave and get a haircut. Never has someone cut so long and removed so little hair from my head. I choose a place that has a colorful brochure figuring they must cater to many Westerners. I drop in and ask how much for a haircut. The rate is reasonable and I say "Sign me up I gotta clean up this mop before heading home." The haircutter is busy giving a Thai massage so I'll have to wait. "No problem," I reply, "Time is something I have lots of at the moment."

At some point, the nice young man looks over at me and asks what I want done to my hair. I explain that I just need it trimmed up nice and neat. He says that the hair dresser is only used to long hair-that short hair is tricky-and she will have to see my hair before committing to cut it.

I try to explain that I'm not fussy-that a mountaineering team member once hacked it off with a Swiss Army knife-and that I would be fine with whatever happened. The woman arrives and agrees to shorten my hair. It seems like she is quite frightened by my wavy locks so I try to give her many positive looks. Turns out she trimmed less than a centimeter off but it must have been a big change because I got cat calls from men all day.

When they were giving out persistence, I was at the head of the line. Bargaining skill, however, I must have missed that line altogether. In cultures where prices are not fixed, I flounder. My shyness streak comes out and I prefer to look from afar. Sometimes I can get into the mood and make a game out of it and form a relationship with a vendor that makes the process work for me. Some of the folks I purchased from today I purchased from each visit to Kathmandu-that makes it fun too!

Sounds like weather's got everyone hanging at basecamp waiting for the window. Today for the first time, I took the stairs to my room two at a time. My strength is returning. It's taken almost 10 days at lower elevation to begin to get stronger. I wonder how long it would have taken at high elevation?

Happy Monday,

TA

Howdy from Thamel,

Some folks have been asking about my health.  I haven't vomited now in a week.  I can now tolerate a much wider grouping of foods.  I can't tell if I'm gaining weight yet-I must be.  There is still a "hole in my middle" and I cannot believe how small my legs are (for me).  At high altitudes, much of weight loss is due to muscle wasting and I can see some of those effects on my body.

I still have transitory nausea and am still not eating nearly as much as I usually do.  My energy seems to go off and on like a faucet in Kathamndu.  Some days I have lots of spunk, other days hardly any.  There isn't any pattern to it so when energy allows, I explore.  When it doesn't, I read or watch movies.

I'm still counting the days until I am able to return home but I have found my "Kathmandu Legs" and have settled into Thamel.  I revel in eating breakfast outside every morning and have been intentionally choosing outdoor restaurants since it's likely to be much colder and stormier back home on the Rock.

Thanks for your continued interest and support.

They killed the lights at 6. "Oh yeah," I remember, rotating brown-outs. It must be Thamel's turn for the early evening shift. Fortunately, I ate already as I need to hurry back to my room before it is totally engulfed by darkness, to find my headlamp.

Sitting here in the dark, I pay attention to the notes of humanity coming together into a cacophony of night. Someone is sawing by hand. An impeccable rhythm. A large dog barks, his jowls seemingly vibrating up to the fourth floor. Horns bleat. And honk. And thrill.

The saw goes back and forth again after a pause. Its beat is punctuated by the staccato lowering of the metal protection gates over storefronts. Some stay open making light with their own mini generators singing like cicadas. Others call it a night.

Beep. Beep. Honk. Drivers make their way home over darkened streets. Suddenly with a deep rumble, the hotel starts its massive generator and all the other sounds must now compete for my ears. Voices combine with a bicycle bell. Air hissing overrides a few other dogs' efforts. It will be awhile before the night settles enough to let me sleep, but I now have light which makes the night music harder to hear.

Eight hours later, I awake. The birds are singing like this is the only time they will be heard. Mourning doves coo. Song birds sing. The first horn. The first motorcycle. Wheels are beginning to wake. The chaotic din begins to rise from the quiet as the sun tracks higher in the sky.

The huge dog starts in again. Nothing gets by him. His friends try to keep up in an effort that call only be called Western. Dog eat dog. Only one can be top dog. Voices join the fray. Metal gates denounce their employment in rapid succession.

Another Kathmandu day has begun.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Hello All,

Sitting in my new "down scale" hotel room. This one costs about 10% of yesterday's (just in case I am in Kathmandu a really long time). It's a bit mustier, has hot water only when the sun shines, and most importantly, has a movie channel.

I have watched more movies in the past 24 hours than the past 18 months. Raj had his wife take me over to Qatar Airlines in Durbar Marg-about a 20 minute walk from Thamel. They had no sign out front of their office, but we deciphered the puzzle and took a number.

The middle woman seemed quite helpful, but I drew the one to her right. She kept saying, "no seats in May or June" no matter what question I asked her. She sent a message to Toronto asking about how much to upgrade my seat since there might be a slightly better chance of getting a seat in a higher class. I'm supposed to check back tomorrow.

I asked her about buying a ticket. She said, "no seats." I asked her about stand-by, she said "no seats but you are welcome to try." So...I'm working hard on my Buddhist slogan of the day: Abandon all hope of going home.

I checked the internet today and Qatar did have one seat on Sunday in business class-maybe it will still be there tomorrow after Toronto gives the word, she says abandoning hope. :-)

I'll see what they say tomorrow and then perhaps drag my huge duffles to the airport to try stand-by. She said the Doha to London leg might also be tricky so even if I manage a KTM to Doha flight, they might not let me on. Maybe I'll trek back to basecamp :-)

I spent the afternoon wondering around Thamel aimlessly until I ran out of steam and wilted about 3 (which probably precludes trekking back to basecamp). I think that's very much a legacy of the giardia. I'm slowly introducing food groups and trying to build back strength. It feels like I've been in Kathmandu for a month even though it's just a day and a half. Funny how time works.

Once I truly abandon hope and surrender to being here a long time, Raj will hook me up and help me get into exploration mode but until then, I'll just hangout here for a few more days in recovery mode.

Thanks for hanging with me.

TA

I awoke in a mountain village having heard nothing louder than an avalanche for nearly two months. A quick flight later, I am jarred and frayed and battered by the chaos of Kathmandu.

Yesterday, I wondered if I would ever get out of Lukla and today, I wonder what the heck I am doing here. The crushing part of the day was when the person who picked us up from the domestic terminal said international flights were booked solid for weeks.

That was a complication I hadn't anticipated. The news was hard to hear because all I want is to be home surrounded by friends. I don't really have the energy to play tourist.

I don't know if my audioblog posted to the site. I'm a bit embarrassed by it as it was raw and unfiltered-shortly after learning I might not be able to get home for awhile. Not sure why I would be embarassed now-it's not like I have been holding back much. :-)

After a few hours rest, I walked over to Thamel trying to let the noise, crowds, and pollution wash over me like spindrift. Lunch at the Momotarou, my favorite Sushi place, helped (Miso soup cures all).

Spend the afternoon with Raj, my Nepali friend. He gave me some advice about airlines and I will visit the office of Qatar airlines tomorrow once I have my ticket in hand. Raj and I found me a much cheaper place to move to tomorrow called the Blue Diamond-it's on the outskirts of Thamel.

As I walked back to the Hotel Tibet in Lazimpat, I realized I had already settled in a bit. My tourist survival strategies were kicking in-I had toilet paper in one pocket and small rupees in the other.

I crossed Kantipath-a major street-in the same way you cross the Khumbu Icefall, in the company of Nepalis. I "catch a lift" by walking along side other pedestrains, since the "horizontal" seracs come fast and furious and merely crossing the street is a potentially lethal proposition.

I bought some new reading material and am trying to surrender to being here much longer than I wish...though who knows...maybe my seat will come in. Anyone out there got connections with Qatar Airlines? :-)

From a simple life in a tent to a chaotic urban city, I am in transition once again. The guys sent down the rose one of the cooks had drawn with well wishes. It's hard to imagine some of them being back freezing at Camp Two while I swelter in KTM. Was I really just climbing Everest?

Thanks for being there through it all,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Lukla

Elevation: 2886 Meters

Elevation Gain: 400 Meters

Elevation Loss: 1000 Meters

Weather: Hot and sweaty then afternoon showers

Lojong Slogan of the Day: Don't seek other's pain as the limbs of your own happiness.

Today, plywood went by. And glass. And plastic pipe. And corrugated roofing. Coke. Beer. Noodle soup. Carried by men using woven baskets and tamp straps. A few women. Too many children. The Khumbu supply chain was in full swing as I imagine the mass of spring climbers and trekkers have depleted the supplies up the hill. I silently thanked each one as they went by for carrying my food and supplies up.

We met one of Mingma's former clients today. They summitted together. He is headed up to Island Peak and basecamp. They have a deep friendship and fun to see them together a few weeks earlier than imagined. One of his client's travelling companions, asked the inevitable question, "Will you climb Everest again?"

Anticipating this question, I took my first opportunity to try out my answer.

Will you climb Everest again?

The easy answer: Yes.

The short answer: No.

The real answer: How can I know right now?

Mingma has dropped me off in Lukla and is hustling to catch up with his former client. We walked fast again which gave him the daylight to make a return trip in one day.

We passed the "Everest Summitteers" Lodge and a sign for the "Everest Summitteers Association." Each reminder sends a serac cleaving from my heart - though I remind myself that even if I stayed 100% healthy, I'd still have had only a 20-45% chance of standing on the summit. Lots of self-talk and soothing to that effect today and steering myself clear of all the second guessing my mind wanted to get into.

In the spirit of David Letterman, I 've tried to come up with the "Top Ten" Great Benefits of Coming off Everest Early...I'm not sure I should give up my day job to write for the show, but here is the best one I came up with:

I don't have to renew my Nepali visa and so I save $50 USD :-)

(of course, I'm grateful for my safety, fingers and toes, being home for significant events, etc.-I'm just trying to find the humour in the situation).

I haven't learned about my flight scene for tomorrow, but I'm trying to remain flexible in case it takes several days to get out.

S.T.O.L. stands for "Short Take off and Landing" which describes many of the air strips in Nepal. They are sloped up to slow landing planes and sloped down to propel taking off planes. They are an exciting, terrifying place to fly in/out of. So, I'm hoping for good weather and a boring flight.

Tom & Audrey-I did get your emails. Sorry I didn't acknowledge them. I loved hearing from you.

Rayne & Xander-I would love to visit you on the way home, but my ticket takes me over the Atlantic rather than Pacific. Once I'm home and better, we'll make plans for a visit to my favourite niece and nephew. Xanderman-I hope your hand heals fast.

Michael B.-Thanks for your candour. I look forward to talking more.

Anne-As a long time fan of yours, I appreciate you writing. I know you know how it feels.

Mary M-Thanks for sharing your journeys with me.

KW-There were so many cumulonimbus clouds today I thought we might have a thunderstorm but then it cleared. How was the sea kayaking?

WP-glad you are feeling better...it sucks to chuck to matter where you are.

Nancy-you are in my thoughts. Say hi to Ericka for me.

Lorraine-Thanks for your words and perspectives. See you on the rock.

And to the many of you who've written and I haven't thanked specially...THANK YOU! Your words are a gift and are much appreciated.

With gratitude,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Like the aftershock tremors that ripple through after an earthquake, I awoke this morning feeling a bit better and couldn't help myself from running through a scenario. Pangboche today, Loboche tomorrow, EBC the day after that rest. Go up.

Then the undulations stopped and reality set in. My duffles are somewhere in Namche, I'm not strong enough even if I feel better, and that door is shut for now. Grief's like that - you have to accept the loss over and over again.

It's different to see women in greater numbers again. In high altitude mountaineering, about 10 percent of climbers are women. I'm used to being outnumbered. On Denali, it was 12 to 2; Elbrus 11 to 1; Aconcagua was a rare treat - there were 3 women.

On my Everest team, there were 22 summit climbers. I was the only woman. At some point, I realized that if you included all of the staff, I was outnumbered 60 or so to 1. Given that men and women often process their experiences differently, sometimes I felt lonely on the mountain.

There were also covert and overt mechanisms of competition and sizing each other up (totally understandable on the world's highest mountain - just wearing sometimes).

I was angry only once on the entire trip. One of my teammates asked his personal sherpa if the sherpas preferred working with male or female clients. He replied that they liked male clients better because "they were stronger." I didn't say anything out loud because he was mirroring many cultures' beliefs, but I sure wanted to prove him wrong.

I remember one boy writing to me asking me to please summit because his sister didn't believe I could and he wanted to prove her wrong. I guess his sister was right this time :-)

After millenia, gender relations are still pretty complicated...time to walk downhill.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Namche Bazaar

Elevation: 3440 Meters

Elevation Gain: 1000 Meters

Elevation Loss: 1600 Meters

Weather: Mostly sunny

The high altitude world is one of white, blue, and shades of grey. Whenever I come down from that stark world, I feel as though I am getting my senses back.

Today as we dropped in elevation, many colours and textures joined the palette. Trees. Leafy things. Thorny things. Flowers. Blooms. Brilliant pink, yummy purple, subdued lavender, powder brown, lime green, spruce green, narrow green, squashed green...lots of living plants adorned the trail. Birds sang. Rivers shouted.

Everest's summit was visible today when we got near Namche. I turned and said good-bye, perhaps abiento would have been more appropriate. I was almost glad when we turned the corner and I couldn't see the mountain any longer.

The last time we came through here was 40 days ago. We camped out in front of the lodge I am staying in. It's actually not nearly as nice inside as we all thought last time we were here. Though the shower sure is-nothing like near scalding water in great quantities to wash what ails ya down the drain.

The nausea is still there, though now flows like an undercurrent rather than raging torrent scouring the creek bed. Meals are sticking around today, though nothing is appealing to eat. The hills were not quite so taxing today as my acclimatization is finally overcoming the overall weakness and fatigue.

I most often immerse myself wherever I am, but I now find my thoughts wandering to home. Out of every decision comes gains and losses. Yesterday I so acutely felt the losses and today, I celebrate that I will be home for three major events in the lives of family and friends that I was going to miss.

I'm hoping to be able to actually fly out of Lukla on the 8th because I am actually quite tired of entertaining myself. My books and cards are in my duffle and I don't have enough battery power on my PDA to play games. I could use a bit of distraction :-)

I hope you are all doing well. Your outpouring of support and understanding is pivotal and appreciated and remembered with each step downhill.

TA

Location: Phortse

Elevation: 3840 Meters

Elevation Loss: 360 Meters

Weather: Didn't really notice

Dear All,

When I threw up breakfast once again, I ventured over to the clinic to check my weight again. I was down another five pounds and feeling poorly. I felt the confusion part temporarily and made the decision to come down.

I packed my bag cautiously to see if the clarity would stick around. It didn't seem possible to heal at this altitude given there was not much left on the menu to eat (once I'd chucked something, I found it hard to eat it again and given I'd been chucking for awhile-there were not many options left).

The hope voice had quieted to where I couldn't hear it anymore and the reality of not being at my best was staring me nakedly in the face. Mount Everest deserves my best, no-in reality, it demands my best. Though I'm sure I could have gotten enough better to drag myself back up to EBC, I finally admitted to myself that I wouldn't have the amount of reserve I would need to feel comfortable and confident going back high on the mountain.

I count on that reserve to combat bad weather, extreme altitude, and steep slopes. I feel as though the illnesses I have faced over the past month, have peeled the layers of reserve and resiliency down to my very core, like shedding the outer layers of an onion.

For me, persistence is my lifeblood. I am a survivor. I can get through anything. For me, this morning in turning my back on trying for the summit, I climbed a bigger Everest than the snow and ice covered mount in front of me.

I said for once, it was okay to stop. It was okay not to push to the absolute outer limits of my being. It was okay to go home to heal and come back to climb Everest another day. It was okay to do all of this and hold my head up high for having given this effort almost everything I had. All of this new territory was stepping out on a ladder spanning a crevasse bigger than any I saw in the Khumbu.

And although yes, this allowing for my humanity, my frailty is a summit in itself, it still hurts incredibly. Grief is like glacier run-off. At times in the hot sun, it runs like torrents that threaten to overwhelm and at other times, the glacier freezes hard and nothing is felt in the frigid night.

I walked from Pheriche to Pangboche often overhwhelmed by the torrents. I was an anonymous trekker hiding behind my shades and I could allow the wild water of grief to spill over whenever it rose beyond the spillways of my eyes.

Eighteen months of energy, effort, excitement, focus, and dreams were coming to an end in the moments of those downhill footsteps. Suddenly, there was a vacuum-a large black hole-I was no longer preparing to be or being an Everest climber.

Into this void, churned the waves of grief like rancid yak butter. This grief had been hanging around the interstitial edges of my being since leaving EBC and now it had full permission to come into being since the final decision had finally been made.

In Pangboche, I found Mingma (he'd told me to find him there if I decided to come down). We talked to basecamp via Camp Two and made the arrangements for my bags and flights. We used the radio at Ang Pasang's place-he's the expedition sirdar. As we left his house, Pasang's wife placed a kata scarf around my neck to signify good luck in leaving, and the glacier dam that was holding my tears in place almost burst.

I won't cry in public so I choked the grief back into place for much of the rest of the day as I sat in Mingma's in-laws place and then at Mingma's place in Phortse.

I actually thought I was going to Namche today. When I contacted Mingma that all changed and he will accompany me down to Lukla. Though it was hard not to let the tears fall all afternoon, there was some comfort in walking with Mingma, his wife and son from Pangboche to Phortse.

Now, in my room at the lodge, writing to you, I am free once again to allow the sun to strike the glacier of my heart and allow the grief to move downhill, like I. I am okay. I just hurt. I will hurt for awhile as I bring this chapter of my life to a different close than I anticipated.

I'd rehearsed being felled by weather. By bad snow or ice conditions. But I forgot to anticipate being sick. New territory. Lots of learning in being where I haven't been before.

Today as I watched Mingma's children play, I was relieved to be heading home to Rayne and Xander. In that moment of watching the children, I knew I had made a good decision. I am willing to take risks to climb mountains but not foolish ones. My health is more important than any summit. I've got too many young people rooting for me to throw caution to the wind. Everest will be there whenever my dreams take me onto her slopes next, if and when.

So, I have a few things to ask of you-my Everest support team. Please stay with me as I journey home. I will continue to blog and reflect and share my experiences as I head downhill and to home. Please share your experiences of times you've given your heart to your dreams and had a different ending that you wished for-share the lessons that have come from these moments. Please remind me that I have indeed achieved my mission and should not allow one ounce of shame to cloud my perspective of that. And finally, welcome me to lower ground with open arms and open ears, I'll have many stories to tell.

Thank you all for being here as I've undertaken this most public of personal journeys. Your presence and words and thoughts have been gifts every step of the way. Thank you.

TA

Logistics: Tomorrow to Namche, May 7th to Lukla, May 8th to KTM pending weather...not sure when flying home yet.

To Michael's Family and Friends,

I wanted to thank each and everyone of you for taking the time to write and express your thoughts and feelings about Michael's Inukshuk. Your words struck a deep chord with me each time I received them.

The morning I spent with Michael's spirit, building the inukshuk, was one of the most "right and profound" moments of the entire expedition for me. As I said, I hoped Michael's spirit would help me to "do the thing I think I cannot do", though at the time, I had no idea what that might be. Really-in my mind's eye, I pictured the traverse from the South Summit.

Today, his spirit helped me to do what I thought impossible a few days ago. I've chosen, in the name of health, to end my Everest expedition. I know there may have been times when Michael pushed too hard or too far on his body in sports.

Today, I listened to his spirit and will come back to Everest again when I am healthy enough and with enough reserve to face the mighty challenges Everest presents.

Again, thank you for writing and letting me know that you appreciated and were moved by my gesture of remembrance. It meant so much to hear from you.

With care,

My Everest Teammates,

I imagine on this day where I have made one of the hardest decisions of my life, you are at or are heading towards basecamp, with only your summit rotation left to go.

Most of you were up the mountain, when I was hit for the second time with another illness. I had planned and hoped to be up at Camp Two with all of you. Sunday night, after ten days of "morning sickness," I threw up much of the night before I was to head up the icefall with Jean and Nat.

The diagnosis...giardia. I spent three days at basecamp trying to beat it and then a few days at Pheriche. Today, having lost 25 pounds, still vomiting in the morning, and realizing that I didn't have much physical reserve left, I made the decision to go home to heal.

Having been to Camp Three, you all know how much Everest takes out of you. I respect Everest too much to risk mine and my sherpa's lives by going up without enough reserve and resiliency. Everest will still be there when I am healthy and ready again.

In Buddhism, we speak of Boddhisattivas. Boddhisativas delay their enlightenment until all beings are enlightened. Though I doubt it works this way, I hope I can be the Boddhisativa of Illness for the team. I hope that "I took it for the team"- that none of you comes down with anything that prevents your summit bid.

Rest well and deep my friends. Draw on your courage and strength as you make your last passage up and down Everest. Take good care of each other and your sherpas. Make good decisions. Be safe. Enjoy these moments you've worked so hard for. May you all reach your summit.

Please take a piece of me with you as you venture up again. Know that I am cheering for you every step of the way.

Mark, Jangbu and the Whole Sherpa Staff-thank you so much for all your hard work and diligence. You are a well-oiled machine.

With respect and gratitude,

Location: Pheriche

Elevation: 4200 Meters

Elevation Gain: 883 Meters

Elevation Loss: 883 Meters

Weather: Tolkien Like

Quote of the Day: We have little time; therefore, we must proceed very slowly. (Chinese proverb)

In the early morning, snuggled in my sleeping bag after ten hours of quality sleep, all things are possible: curing cancer, world peace, climbing Everest. Nearing the top of Nagartsang Peak, when I'm dragging steps from deep within, cracks appear in the morning's veneer of optimism.

One thing that sea kayaking has taught me is that my perception of the sea state depends entirely on if I want to paddle or not. At 5:00 am in the morning, when I feel a bit lazy, the ocean waves seem too big to paddle. At 3:00 pm the same day, when I've been on the beach all day and want to get off, those same exact waves seem to be waning and paddlable.

So, it is my job over the next few days to know that my perception and perspective is highly changeable, influenced, and impermanent. I can look for trends, seek "objective" measures, and perhaps find the Lama in Pangboche. :-)

Ken and many others have suggested trying to keep things in perspective. For me, perspective is the lens in which we perceive our world. Every once in awhile we get to glimpse and acknowledge that lens.

For me as I descend, I am once again aware of the ways in which altitude affects how I perceive. If you have never been to altitude, I will try to illustrate how it can influence things.

First, it is a bit like the frog in the pot that is heated to boiling. You don't notice the changes until you descend.

For me, altitude (like hormones) is a grand magnifier. I don't exactly understand how it works, but it seems like altitude (or its accompanying hypoxia) magnifies emotions, temperatures, conflicts, hopes and dreams. I can marvel in Pheriche at how intense life in EBC is/was. When I'm there, I forget that lens is in place and take is all so seriously.

Of course, Buddhism has taught me that we all have a lens of perception no matter what altitude we exist at-perhaps what I am trying to say is that lens is thicker or has cataracts at altitude.

Besides being a magnifier, life at altitude is often harsh and uncomfortable. It takes extra energy and focus to do daily activities. I also noticed yesterday, as we descended that my physical coordination got better and better. Altitude affects our ability to think and to problem-solve. The higher you go, the more challenge to push an oxygen-starved brain through its paces.

All of this becomes clearer, when the frog gets out of the hot water for a time. When I trained this year on the Go2Altitude machine, I had the experience of going from sea level to 4500 meters instantly. When I came off the machine after an hour, it was much easier to observe the altitude-induced impairment.

So...all of this is to say, if I sound like a blubbering fool, some of it is altitude and knowing this, is why I turn to good friends for their perspectives as I make my way through challenging decisions. We carry radios high on the mountain for the same reason, so we can draw on the less-influenced thinking of basecamp when we are up high.

With seven days of rest and illness vibrating inside me, I knew I couldn't just sit still today. I felt better enough to try out one of my "tests." Actually I shouldn't call them tests since that implies failure-instead perhaps "information gathering experiences."

I set out for Nagartsang Peak which overlooks Pheriche and Dingboche. It houses the gompa I visited the last time I was here. This time I wanted to go for the top and see how my body did. I am still sorting through all my perceptions, thoughts, and feelings that passed through on the 2.5 hour climb to the top. I also want to see how I do post climb as well.

Climbing to where you can climb no higher is a special experience no matter how high the peak is. I love being on Signal Hill at the Ladies Lookout, knowing there is no higher than that 150 meters, and I loved summiting Nagartsang at 5083 meters. Both are good for gaining new perspective.

As I hiked back down into Pheriche, I had a funny, ironic thought. In 2002, I spent 2 months trekking in Nepal. I had to take medication for three illnesses. Guess which? Bronchitis, giardia, and gastritis from drinking too much Nepali tea. This time I have at least avoided the gastritis :-).

Mingma dropped by this morning from Pangboche. He has a bad toothache. So, we're quite the couple-neither of us is enjoying eating. :-) He'll go down to Namche to have it fixed. While I do my best to find food that sounds appealing. I splurged and had a "Mars Momo" with lunch-basically a Mars Bar wrapped in dough and lightly fried. Anything to get the calories in. The nausea is much more transitory today and I'm liking getting my sense of humour back-it helps with perspective.

Erika & Taylor-I found the wonderful healing token in the envelope-thanks so much.

M Limerick-I love your limericks-they brighten my day and make me smile.

Colin-you always have a "quantoid" view :-) With your numbers influence, I figured out that Camp Two is 75% of the way up Everest!. Thanks for your perspective-always helpful. Hugs to you and Mavis. When does the London to YYT flight start?

Buddy-looking for some cumulonimbus action since those clouds got left out the other day when the code was missing. Say hi to Maine for me.

Nancy-thanks for being there all the way from GFW. I appreciate it.

Scott-glad you liked yesterday's post-it was a big day.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Pheriche

Elevation: 4200 Meters

Elevation Loss: 1100 Meters

Weather: Hot and sunny to cold and windy

My body is cruel. This morning when I awoke, she lifted the veil of illness and allowed some oxygen to kindle the flame of hope. I felt terrific. Awesome. Strong. In that moment, I didn't feel like I needed to go down. I started to scheme-maybe if I did Pumori basecamp today and rested tomorrow, I could be ready to go up the Big Hill on Saturday.

Given the experience of the other morning, I didn't exactly trust my body either. I got out of the the tent and sat on a rock, staring up at the icefall. Hoping the answer could be found in its icy folds. The morning sun was already hot-a fabulous dawn to the day.

I didn't want to go down. I didn't want to pack. I was at a loss to understand my experience except for perhaps my friend Vera rubbing the amethyst crystal she got to cure me of nausea, worked.

I went to the dining tent and had some cheerios and a hot drink. Then my belly stirred-not as bad as usual-but bad enough to remind me of why I had made the decision to go down yesterday. Though I felt pretty good.

I became a high altitude yo-yo once again. Go. Don't go. Stay. Go. I'm better. I'm not better. Go. Stay.

I managed some hard boiled eggs and cheerios. I was convinced I would keep them because there was no lactose in site. If I kept breakfast, maybe I could stay. Small rumbles but breakfast took.

I did notice my quads felt like rubber as I walked around camp and they felt empty of energy. I should go down-rubber quads don't get up Everest safely. I noticed my pants were slipping down...then noticed I could drop them down all the way without undoing the waist or fly. I should go down.

I go to my tent to pack. It's different this time. I don't know if I'll be back to this nylon cocoon that has been my home for a month. Everything must go in bags-just in case. I don't want to pack. After each item, I stop and tear up. I stop and ask myself if I want/need to go down.

Each piece brings the same question. It takes much longer to pack than usual. I don't want to go. It's easier to lie here in an high altitude stupor and just hope that things will get better. Another thing goes in the pack. I cry.

Finally, everything has found a stuff sack home. Some goes with me. Most stays ready to be in a duffle for transport. I am so full of emotion I can hardly breathe the thin air-it's like the feelings have expanded in my chest filling my air sacks with an intensity that's hard to live through.

I'd promised the docs I would let them know what was on the go. I leave my pack with Mingma and scramble over towards the clinic. A path I know well...to my best friends in basecamp. As I traverse the stepping stones over the glacial lake, the BBC guys say my buddies are over at another expedition's camp-they'll be gone for 30 minutes.

In some ways, I am grateful for if I'd seen their caring faces, I'm sure mountains of tears would finally have avalanched from my eyes. I asked the BBC folks to tell the docs I'd gone down to rest even though, in most moments this morning, I didn't want to go.

I choked out good-byes to the folks in basecamp and Mingma and I were on our way. A familiar trail. We'd walked this way for this reason before. I feel weak. I feel the pariah. I don't want to go (have I mentioned that?)

The punctuation, in some ways, is what makes it hardest to go. Is this a comma in my Everest experience? A period? An exclamation point? An ellipsis?For the first hours I walk, my mind is as busy as a mosquito in early summer trying to sort out the grammar of my life. I play through scenarios. I feel for clues. I watch my intuition. I write dispatches for each variety of punctuation. Every once in awhile, I would break through the grammatical discourse and remind myself that I cannot know right now. So perhaps the best answer for now is the ellipsis...

Mingma and I almost ran down the hill. I'm not sure what was moving him so fast-perhaps it was only "sherpa speed". For me, at times I felt like I was trying to outpace my emotions. If I walked fast enough, I could outrun the grief that was boring a hole in my chest like an ice screw in the icefall.

It felt good to move. Movement always helps me process. At some point, I realized my mind had given over to the present moment. I'd given up the grammar lesson and was paying attention to where each footstep went.

We blew through Loboche because my intuition told me that's where I got giardia. We stopped in Dugla-there I met Mingma's brother, Pemba who was leading a trek to EBC. I also met Mingma's cousin who owned the lodge. Everyone clucked in empathy at my plight (and perhaps Mingma's).

We arrived in Pheriche in four hours-shaving 30 minutes off of last time. It was a bit like coming home and Nuru the innkeeper has welcomed me back warmly. The downhill hike had me feeling strong and confident. The few uphill sections had me on rubber legs and stretching lungs.

So, I suspect some of my information gathering in the next days will be seeing how my body handles a near-by trekking peak. For to return to basecamp, means I must be strong enough to go uphill for six hours at a stretch with few breaks. I'll have to test my body to see if the giardia has robbed me of that ability for the long term or if I can nurse that back here at a lower elevation.

So, I'm here. In fact, I'm grateful for by body's cruelty. The walk down today was relatively pleasant-if I had had to do it over the past three days, it would have been so awful because I felt so poorly. I'm truly happy to feel somewhat better-it just made the decision to come down twice as hard and twice as complicated.

A small novel today. A big day. An Everest sort of day-making the hard call, facing the mountain of feelings about it, and being willing to stay in limbo as I seek more information and deeper healing at 4200 meters.

I was handed a stack of snail mail as I left EBC. Seems like whenever I go down, the mail arrives. I'm really the only one who gets mail :-)

Erika & Taylor-Thanks so much for the pictures and your letter. Erika-I like your room. Taylor-you did a great job with the printing. Flat Stanley says hello. He's been a bit quiet lately-he's been a bit worried about me. For sure, I'll do my best to bring Flat Stanley back to your school.

Ann-thanks for your letter. Congrats on finding your Everest and making it happen! You're brave and courageous.

Jenna, Arlene, and Mike-thanks for your notes as well-thanks for eating some Vanilla Dips and thinking of me.

Karen-two of yours got through-Canada and stars-one mailed April 17 took the speed route. Lots of stratus clouds today.

Moyra-So lovely to hear from my Buddhist buddy-thanks for writing.

BPT-the path of bodhi...I'm doing my best.

Jim & Monica-Nice to hear from you-say hi to Aunty Hilde for me (and all the family out your way).

Ann-Please say hi to your daughter for me. I'm glad she enjoyed the presentation I did at her school.

Roy-Thanks for the confirmation and the pre-welcome back to the rock.

Thanks to all others who wrote. I can hardly express how your words encourage, inspire, and comfort me.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Hi All,

Deja Vu. Just wanted to give you a quick update. I'm headed down to Pheriche again tomorrow. Turns out that I can go see how the thicker air is treating me before making the BIG decision.

If I decide I'm not strong or well enough to come back up and try again, the folks up here will throw things in my duffles and send them down after me. I think the change of scenery and descent should help with my clarity.

Thanks to all for your support and concern.

Deb-Thanks for your words-they are right on. I'll descend and listen to my heart.

Don-Thanks for your perspective.

Eric & Isabel-You're awesome! I'll be pretty hungry whenever it is I get home.

Lorraine-The big flag is up at Camp Two waiting for me. Thanks for letting me know it's OK if I don't get back there.

TA

This is a shot that Mingma took in the icefall.  I just saw it for the first time yesterday.  I love it!

Location: South Everest Basecamp

Elevation: 5300 Meters

Elevation Gain: 0 Meters

Weather: Way sunny now snowing

I woke up feeling awful again and sat teary through breakfast. I hardly ate anything and then promptly made my usual morning deposit. It became clear that I'm not going to kick whatever this thing is in basecamp.

Our trip leader dropped by with the suggestion that I go down to recover and that not all hope was lost in terms of timing and rotations. I said I would drop by the clinic, then make a decision.

Ola, one of the clinic docs, was kind enough to listen as I tried to sort my way through all of the feelings, options and logistics. It was she, a few weeks back, who suggested I go down to recover from the cough.

Basically, I'm swirling around in indecision about how far down to go. Having had so little nutrition in my system over the past several days, I can hardly imagine walking to the icefall, let alone climbing it. So, this tells me, I should perhaps stop the climb since my reserves are so low.

On the other hand, I know how much a visit to Periche a few weeks ago, gave me new strength and health. I go back and forth. Back and forth.

I don't want to give up too early or easily and I don't want to be stupid and push beyond my body or mind's limits.

I did learn this morning that giardia can cause lactose intolerance and I have been eating some yogurt to try to support my GI system...so I may have been shooting myself in the foot. The docs sent me to my tent with some probiotic capsules and something else to try to settle my belly. They both agreed that it is time to go down.

So, I will go down tomorrow...the question remains how far? I still don't have the answer. I want to talk logistics with our leader...Can I go down and see what happens? If I don't get better or don't want to come back up, can I be reunited with my gear without coming back to basecamp? Or should I make a hard and fast decision right here and right now?

Our greatest weakness is our greatest challenge and making this kind of go/no go decision is one of the hardest things I ever do. I think I want there to be a "right" answer and there never really is.

I'm reminded of a haiku I wrote as an adolescent:

I seek the answers to the questions

When I accept that there are no answers

I will know the answer.

So-stay tuned for as Paul Harvey says, "The Rest of the Story."

KW-the cumulus clouds are rolling in.

Mom & Dad-thanks for the update-I don't seem to be having much luck with health on this climb. Don't worry though-I'm taking good care.

Ann and Graham-thanks for being such regular cheerleaders.

Shanda-thanks for sharing your EBC experience. The hypoxia plus cold plus exertion really can take the pounds off.

Katherine-That's fabulous about your thesis-wahoo! Thanks for your perspective on the kids. It's helpful.

Emilie-Thanks for your kind words. I often think back to running one minute and walking one minute. Two years of training have seen me come along way and you were there at the beginning!

Mary & Jen-hope all is well with you! See you soon (no matter what I decide!)

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Where Else?

Elevation: 5300 Meters

Elevation Gain: Nada

Weather: Super amazing

Quote of the Day: Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. Helen Keller (Thanks Howard)

When I stepped out of the dining tent last night, the glacier was bathed in translucent moonlight from the almost full orb. The air was crisp and clean, almost pregnant. I stopped to instill the moment in my mind. "There's change a foot," I thought.

I awoke at 4:00 am to bootsteps outside my tent. A few of the guys were heading up. I'd slept solidly for hours and took stock. I felt great. Strong. Clear. Optimistic. Hopeful. Not queasy.

I thought to myself, "I wonder if I can go up with them?" "I wonder if Mingma would mind being awakened?" I thought, "Wow, I feel like myself" for the first time in weeks. My mind ran away with the hope and lots of scenarios sprung forth. Again, cooler judgment reigned and I spent the hours before breakfast reading and nylon ceiling watching.

At about 7, a wave of nausea came in and drenched the hope and optimism in a flooding moment. I hung with it, praying it would pass quickly since I'd felt so well a few hours back. I tried some breakfast and realized too late that I should have had my last Gravol on board.

Once again, I decorated the glacier with breakfast. Fortunately, it's rocky cover provides good camouflage for my modern art installations. I felt immediately better as before, but then the nausea built again like waves pounding a rocky shore. With each break, I found the hope buried in the white foaming lather than licks a busy shore.

Once the clinic was open, I walked over to secure some more Gravol. The BBC is in basecamp filming a second season of Basecamp ER so they asked to capture my consultation on film. There in living color, for everyone in the UK to witness, is me describing the history of my upchucking. The docs unleashed a new theory about high altitude stomach sphincter relaxation and said "keep taking your giardia meds; they'll kick in soon."

I visited for awhile (it's not like I had anywhere else to be) and then headed back to my tent. We had an early lunch (no art so far) and I've spent the afternoon in a Gravol-infested stupor. It's sedative effect seems more pronounced today but for now, that's better than the alternative.

Sitting here in the relative comfort of basecamp clawing through my mind's haze, I see there is really no rush to make a decision about anything. It's been a long week in basecamp. I've finished every book available, I've played 134 games of solitaire, wished for 20 vanilla dips, and have rationed out life between feeding gongs and my not so pretty "dispatches."

I vacillate between thinking there is lots of time to recover and do a pre-summit rotation and noticing that May has struck and the mountain was summitted yesterday by five sherpas from the North side.

I need about a week for my second rotation, a week to rest, and then a week to try for the top. Of course, that schedule is subject to keeping three meals a day in my belly, gaining some weight, and cooperative weather.

This morning in my optimistic state, I wondered about aiming for experiences that might support a second attempt if the summit dream stays alive when I am back in the low country: experiences such as the Lhotse Face, setting a new elevation record, or using oxygen. This afternoon I recognize I may not recover enough to allow even these.

So, all of this is to say...I'm hanging. I'm in limbo. I'm in the bardo. Those of you that know me well know that this is both a comfortable spot (I am a Myers Briggs "P" after all) and a spot I despise. I see no harm in waiting a few days to see what the meds do or don't do (other than losing a few more pounds) so I'm hanging with the uncertainty: riding the waves of nausea, hope, optimism, frustration, and drug-inspired stupor. I sleep. I drink. I pee. I eat. I hum songs from the Eagles. I devour your emails of support, care, and love.

Thanks to all who remind me why, in my logo, the Newfoundland flag is on the 007 rather than the top of the mountain. This journey has been about daring to dream and inspiring others to dream. I've done my best to make it about learning from each step, pushing myself outside of comfort, and not about a destination. So, I appreciate your words reminding me of that intention and of you reflecting the accomplishment of being here in the first place.

Many thanks to all for following along and sending such wonderful words of encouragement and support.

Leslie-Thanks for writing. I hope you get your jacket away from Steve on occasion.

Jennifer-Lovely to have words from the prairie. Fond memories of dinner at Basho.

Hunter-I've thought of you so often on this climb-Denali really was the foundation of this experience.

Joyce-I'm so glad that my gesture of remembrance was so well received. I am graced with Michael's heart and spirit here as I struggle to make my way.

Marie-Lovely to hear from you. I've often wondered if the snowblower was worth it? :-)

BJ-Sounds fabulous in your part of the world-please say hi to T and L and JM for me.

Sylvia-Can't wait to tie your pantlegs in knots. Thanks for being there.

Roger and Ken-thanks for sharing your stories-it helps to know others have gone through similar things.

Trudy-welcome back. Glad to have your words.

KW-I wonder when the first cumulonimbus clouds of summer will roll in your way. I think your ticket is changeable :-) Won't it be interesting to see how life evolves. Thanks for Sue's perspective as well.

BPT-I'm really practising whichever of the two occurs, be patient. Tomorrow, I'm being grateful to everyone including nausea. Tell M to drop me a line.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Everest Basecaap

Elevation: 5300 Meters

Elevation Gain: 0 Meters

Weather: Highly variable

Quote of the Day: Life is short, things change.

At this point of the day, I expected to be writing you from Camp One. Better judgment was had.

Warning: This update is composed under the influence of much Gravol.

I digress. A hard night. Dinner became performance art (to quote Scott). "No big deal," I thought. I'm used to losing a meal (though this was my second in a day). I fortunately went back to sleep fairly easily (small joys of living in a tent. You just need to make it past the zipper.)

The alarm went off at 4:30 am and I made all the right moves for a day on "the hill." Layers on, inner boots laced, pack packed...when I went to pull my inner boots into my outers...the morning ritual began and I heaved all the water I drank all night out of me and into the tent's vestibule.

"No problem," I said. I got my boots on and stepped out into the cold, dawning morning. Unfortunately, this time, the upchuck didn't make me feel better. I felt increasingly weak and nauseated. I kept trying to get my ice axe on my pack between attacks, but it became too much.

As an outdoor educator, I'm trained to assess risks. In the inky blackness, I told myself to step back and look at the bigger picture. I was now without food for almost 16 hours, and there seemed little hope breakfast would stick around.

No, this was not a condition in which to ascend the icefall! Hard words to tell myself but necessary ones. One needs to move fast and sharp in the icefall. In no way did that describe me this morning.

As you can imagine, I was overcome with emotion as I told Jean to go on without me. I called three dear friends for solace and perspective, for in that moment, I felt done. DONE. So done. So frustrated that the nausea wasn't going away, so sad not be going on a rotation just then, so confused as to what makes sense.

All three were good to point out that I'd been a sick a long time on this trip and that maybe my body was reaching its limits. In the dark, I agreed. Maybe this was it. Maybe the game was over. Maybe I didn't have enough reserve left. Lots of maybes.

The maybes remain. I went over to see my favourite docs to see if there was any other thing the nausea could be related to...given its intermittent nature and a few appropriate signs and symptoms, they've decided on giardia.

So, I'm pumped up on Gravol and have begun the two day treatment for giardia. I've kept lunch from becoming part of an artist's palette and I'm hoping (with the help of Gravol) I can do the same with dinner.

With a diagnosis, comes hope. Maybe, the drugs will do their work and I can bring my eating back to normal which will bring my strength and reserve back up to where it needs to be to continue.

In the light of day, I am less clear than in the stark blackness of night. Some hope has snuck in the backdoor and I'm wanting to give the drugs a chance to work.

I'm clear that if the drugs don't work, I'm probably done on the mountain as I have already lost 15% of my body weight. The general adage is that people who lose 10% of their body weight don't summit.

I was feeling so poorly at the Doc's that we didn't talk future. They set me up with drugs and sent me back to bed. Now, with some food and water on board, I feel some better. I'll rest the rest of today and tomorrow and then reassess my body's capacity for climbing.

Many thanks to all for your well-wishes in the icefall. My climbing companions had a good trip through this morning and are now resting at Camp One. I miss being up there with them, but I made the right decision.

Part of a mountaineer's job description is to make the right decisions over and over again balancing health, weather, terrain, mountain conditions, etc. I've always thought Ed Viesters approach was the way to go: "The summit is optional, getting down mandatory."

As someone who is rarely sick, and for someone who is generally strong and resilient, this past month has been full of life lessons that can only be gained from seeing things from an entirely new perspective.

I didn't/don't wish for this new view, but can only do my best to remain open to the understandings and learnings that are presented from this vantage point.

Susan, Karen, and Judy - thank you so much for your support, perspective, advice, and willingness to listen this morning. I was a hurting gator and I appreciate you being there. I'll keep you posted as I make my way through these next days.

I know you're all out there cheering for me no matter what and I appreeciate that greatly.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Even though TA does not have the ability to reply to individual emails and messages, please know that each day she receives your encouraging words and news. TA loves hearing from everyone. From the time she left Newfoundland and Labrador, up until April 29th TA has heard from folks from the following schools and organizations:

• All Hallows, North River
  
• Balbo Elementary, Clarenville
  
• Baltimore School, Ferryland
  
• Beachy Cove Elementary, Portugal Cove-St. Philip's
  
• Bishop Feild, St. John's
  
• Clarenville Primary, Clarenville
  
• Cowan Heights Elementary, St. John's
  
• Girl Guide Trefoil Guild
  
• Gonzaga High School
  
• Hazelwood Elementary, St. John's
  
• Holy Cross, St. John's
  
• Holy Heart, St. John's
  
• Holy Trinity Elementary, Torbay
  
• Humboldt Park K8 School in Milwaukee, Wisconsin
  
• Lakecrest, St. John's
  
• Leysin American School in Switzerland
  
• MacPherson Elementary, St. John's
  
• MacDonald Drive Junior High
  
• Memorial University, St. John's: Instructional Development Office; OECR Wave Tank, Faculty of Engineering; Technical Services
  
• Newfoundland School for the Deaf, St. John's
  
• Paris Elementary, Paris, Kentucky
  
• QECVI, Kingston, Ontario
  
• St. Anne's Academy, Dunneville
  
• St. Francis of Assisi, Outer Cove
  
• Stella Maris Academy, Trepassey
  
• Vanier Elementary, St. John's
  
• Woodland Primary, Grand Falls-Windsor

It would be nice if you would please mention what school or organization you are from when you send a message to TA. Thanks.  Also, please be sure to check www.myeverest.com/ta for audio updates. 

Judy

Communication to and from Everest is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Basecamp

Elevation: 5300 Meters

Elevation Gain: Absolutely none!

Weather: Huge gusts in the morning, now gorgeous!

Lojong Slogan of the Day: Whichever of the two occurs, be patient.

It was another hugely windy night. At times I wondered if my tent would still be there in the morning. I slept pretty well and awoke to news that some teammates had headed up. The cold cutting wind made me happy to be staying put.

After an uneventful breakfast (praise be to all deities), I reorganized my Camp Two bag that will go up with me. I cleaned up my nest and attended to several mid expedition tasks (refilling sunscreen, refilling drugs, laundry, etc.).

The wind was so brisk and the wash water so cold that post laundry, I crawled back into my tent to restore my hands to life. I read some in my book and got that lovely drowsy feeling and took my first nap of the trip. The temperature in the tent was perfect and I rested deeply and contentedly until lunch.

I played about 10 games of Solitaire after lunch and am now lounging about writing my dispatch. It's been a perfect day of taking it easy after a particularly intense stretch. Just what you all ordered! I took some codeine last night and started to use my inhaler again so my cough is much quieter today. No nausea yet today!

Jean and I have decided to do our next rotation together. We went back and forth between tomorrow and Monday for going up. The high winds this morning led us to choose Monday in hopes of a change in the weather system. I'll be counting on all of you to be thinking of us as we make our way up the icefall again.

Judy pointed out that it was a year ago that I had my first major fundraising event. It was called "TA's Road to Everest." Having lived almost a month at basecamp, it's still hard to believe the road actually led here.

A major avalanche just let go from the West Shoulder-it sent spindrift snow all over basecamp. Amazing to watch from afar. There is a huge line of people coming down the icefall. We think it is the group bringing Dawa Sherpa's body down.

Nick-thanks for sharing your perspective on my tribute to Michael. I also appreciate the support you've been giving Judy, my Communications Queen.

Lorraine-thanks for continuing to post and share your own journey. I packed up the big flag today to take to Camp Two.

MC-you bring some important questions/perspectives to the questions I raised yesterday.

Katherine-any word on your thesis?

Karen-I gave the snowboard gloves to Mingma because they were too big for me. He sends his thanks. We got some cumulus clouds on the go today.

Scott-thanks for the additional noble truths...and your thoughts on bigger questions.

Darrell-can you deliver Tim's to basecamp? Did you like my sailing/icefall analogy?

Eva-welcome back! I hope you got all you needed done-thanks for your words.

BPT-thanks for the tonglen reminder-it's been a good practice to do.

Deb & Wilma-Welcome back! I hear the tans are good. How's the new building?

Thanks to all for stopping by.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Mount Everest South Basecamp

Elevation: 5200 Meters

Elevation Gain: 100 Meters

Weather: Sunny and Windy

Michael Beecher Smith was a young man with a huge, huge heart. He passed away in January and the loss is huge. I taught Michael in two classes at Memorial University (MUN). He was a delight to teach and my mind is filled with fond memories of him.

He was also on the wrestling team at MUN and so spent lots of time in the weight room. We often overlapped there and he was a huge supporter of all of my climbs. As a wrestler and weightlifter, Michael knew how to "play through pain." He had to make weight for wrestling and he was always trying to get me to take my greens and other supplements because I was training so hard.

Michael seemed just to know when to throw in an encouraging word or come over and tell me to push the bar a little further than I thought I could. I feel his spirit with me here on Everest. He was so excited for me. I have thought of him often when the going has been so hard.

I know if Michael were alive today, he would be following my climb daily. With permission of his family, I decided to create a memorial for Michael here recognizing his spirit, his heart, and his tenacity in a way that will help me climb both the literal and figurative mountain in front of me.

This morning I hiked out about an hour from basecamp towards Pumori and Gorak Shep. At a spot we call "The Ridge", I climbed off the beaten path to a flat bench of land with a spectacular view. This special spot is on the shoulder of Pumori. Pumori means "Daughter of Everest." I'm taking liberties and thinking of Pumori as inclusive of "Son of Everest" as well.

This ridgeline overlooks Everest basecamp, the Khumbu Icefall, and when there are no clouds, the summit of Mount Everest. At first, I thought I would build a memorial chorten as is tradition here, but since Michael did not die in Nepal, I came to a different vision.

Michael grew up in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador. The aboriginal people of Labrador use Inukshuks (stone people) to mark paths and guide people along the featureless tundra. Thinking that we all need guidance and direction, I decided to build an inukshuk for Michael's spirit.

As I hauled each rock, I thought of each piece representing some part of Michael's gifts and talents. It was tricky to get all the stones to balance on top of each other. During this time, I thought of Michael's challenges and obstacles. When I put the crowning rock into place and hung Tibetan prayer flags from the inukshuk's shoulders, I thought of Michael's fondness and appreciation of me.

Michael understood that I am happiest when I can combine several passions into one moment. This morning, in Michael's honour, I brought together mountains, teaching, spirituality, and stonework. I'm sure he would smile at the combination.

After the sculpture was finished, I sat in silence absorbing the same view at the inukshuk (the same one as in today's picture). When the time was right, I stood, touched the inukshuk's shoulder, wished Michael peace, and returned to the main trail with my eyes awash in salt water.

There is an award for student athletes at MUN in Michael's memory. It is called the Michael Beecher Smith Heart Award. If by chance you would like to contribute to this award, please make out your check to Memorial University of Newfoundland and mail it to:

School of Human Kinetics and Recreation

Memorial University of Newfoundland

St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador, A1C 5S7 CANADA

Attn: Michael Beecher Smith Award

I hope in the next hours, days, and weeks that I can draw on Michael's heart, spirit, and determination to do "the thing I think I cannot do." (Eleanor Roosevelt).

My thoughts and prayers are with Michael's family as they make their way through this tremendous time of grief, loss, and sorrow.

With both an open and heavy heart,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Everest Basecamp

Yesterday morning, it was easy to tell that something was up. The big people were standing about with radios, conversations were going back and forth, and many stared up the icefall. We waited. We knew we would be told what was happening when the time was right.

Our leader came over and told us a sherpa had been killed on the Lhotse Face. The group shrank into silence. Stunned. Not wanting to believe. We were reminded not to blog or call home about the death so the authorities would have time for notifications of his family.

There were few details available and we each had to stare at our mortality directly. It is easy to drop into denial about the dangers of being on this mountain. And like passing a car wreck on the highway or hearing of a plane crash, one couldn't help examine what we are doing here, wonder if we should be here, and notice that eventually each of us will die.

It was hard on me not to share my reactions to "this inevitable moment" yesterday. It was what I was sinking into yesterday. Over the past year, I wondered what my reaction would be to hearing of a death on Everest while I was on the mountain. I knew I couldn't know until it happened.

Knowing the dangers of this mountain, I think I knew it was not a question of if, but when. When I first heard, a leaden curtain descended on me. I felt horrible for the sherpa's family. I wondered if he suffered. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut.

Today, I've learned his name was Dawa Sherpa. I also learned that his death had already been widely reported on the internet yesterday. I gave thanks (selfishly) that he wasn't on my expedition team so there was some distance from what would have been intense grief but it is still pulling at me nonetheless.

I questioned being here on this climb in a different way. Did I somehow contribute to this man's death by being here? Am I comfortable with the sherpas risking their lives so much more than I do? Is this a climbing ethic I can live with? Is this a signal to stop? Do I honour sacrifice by continuing or by stopping?

These and other questions continue to swirl around in my head. I'm heading out for a planned walk that I'll tell you about later today. I just wanted to acknowledge that I did know about Dawa Sherpa's death yesterday and that I'm a processing it on many levels. My feelings and thoughts are complex and I suspect, the ramifications of yesterday's inevitable moment will sit with and on me for some time.

My condolences go to his family, friends, and loved ones. I hope his team will take care of them. My appreciation and gratitude are with our sherpa staff for they make this climb possible and they undertake great risk on my behalf.

TA

OK,

I know this is getting ridiculous-three posts in one day-but heck-what else is there to do in basecamp :-)

The first Noble truth of Buddhism is "Life is suffering." Check!

The second Noble truth is that "Suffering is caused by craving." I crave feeling better so I've got suffering on top of suffering. Check!

The third Noble truth is "The way out of suffering is to give up craving." OKAY-I guess I'll abandon all hope/craving of ever feeling better and perhaps, I'll feel better. Check!

The fourth Noble truth is "everything is impermanent". Including nausea and Khumbu cough. Check!

My apologies to the Buddha if I got those wrong. I'm really working hard to make peace with feeling so lousy. Breakfast was yogurt and two small pieces of bacon-nothing else seemed the least bit appetizing. On my hike, I could feel the lifeblood energy bleeding out once again and so choked down half a Cliff Bar.

It's hard not to get discouraged pulling each step out of the depths of my starving body. Gagging was frequent on my walk and it feels like my esophagus is being turned inside out with each episode. I'm usually such a good eater and have never had such prolonged nausea.

As folks have suggested, I'm playing the field and just trying to get calories in. Last night, I had huge joy when Pemba served my favoritist meal in the whole wide world...sushi maki rolls. I revelled in devouring (and keeping) several wasabi drenched servings. I add sugar to everything and am hoping my body figures out once again that food is not our enemy.

So...I'll keep resting and eating and reading and posting...folks are headed up to Camp One tomorrow-they were going there today but were hindered by weather and a route-collapse in the icefall. I'm pondering Sunday or Monday for going up.

We had a real treat this afternoon. The inventor of the "Top Out" mask visited our camp. He took us through the entire system and gave lots of tips for using the mask. I was thrilled that the base mask was quite similar to the one I used with the Go2Altitude hypoxic training system so that provides some familiarity. I have never used O2 in climbing but have enjoyed lots of SCUBA diving. We'll have the opportunity to test out the oxygen system on this rotation up.

In trying to keep the support of a joyful mind, I wanted to share one of my biggest delights...going to bed with a hot water bottle. Before heading off to my nylon abode each evening, I fill one of my water bottles with hot water. This helps warm cold toes and ease the transition into my cold feather-filled sack. Try it the next time you are camping-just make sure the bottle is well sealed.!

I also want to wish Anne Budgell all the best in her retirement from CBC radio. She once called me "Newfoundland's most adventurous woman." Anne-may your next path be filled with adventures of all sorts.

Dr. Walker-so nice to hear from you-your words ring wise and true.

NB-I can feel you there with me. Thanks.

Students at Stella Maris-Thanks for writing from Trepassey. Say hi to the ocean for me. And yes, I'd love to come back to your school.

Ken-thanks for the daily encouragement from Kiwi land.

Ray-Thanks for your encouragement-you do know how tough life can be up here.

Leo-I hope your move goes well-you must be getting excited. Hope Takunda is behaving himself and getting ready to join the world.

Buddy-Looking for some side-spliting lenticular clouds. I'll try to find you by phone soon.

BPT-perfect slogan...I'll try to keep remembering that "this too shall pass."

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and for putting up with my stuffing your in-box today.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Flat Stanley at Camp Two with some of the expedition's oxygen supply. Each bottle weighs 17 pounds. The amazing sherpas carry them up from basecamp 3 or 4 at a time.

Location: Basecamp

Elevation: 5200 Meters

Elevation Gain: Thankfully None

Weather: Cold, deary, and cloudy

Quote of the Day: "To know something, then, we must be scrubbed raw, the fasting heart exposed." Gretel Ehrlich (Thanks Karen) 

The day began early. I listened to some favuorite music for the first time in weeks-laying luxuriously in my sleeping bag for a few hours before breakfast.

After breakfast, we had a crevasse rescue demonstration and I had that great pleasure of hot water falling on my body. The weather turned very cold at lunch and I spent some time visiting my doc friends over at the HRA.

They were excited to hear of my high altitude adventures, but didn't really have any new suggestions for my current health challenges other than skip breakfast and try to eat later. I've been challenged but have kept all food down today and my cough is a little better.

Basically living at high altitude is hard on your body and as a result, life is often hard. Last night at dinner, our expedition leader said our suffering was really just beginning ("oh goody" she says-it's been such a piece of cake thus far.) :-)

The wind is chilly so I'm bundled up in my sleeping bag in my tent for the afternoon. I finished another book in the middle of the night and I'm about to start "In the Country of Men" by Hisham Matar. I figured it would help me understand my expedition mates :-)

I started the day quite up and bouncy, but seem to be sinking as it goes on. A valley is to be expected after yesterday's big day so I'm just riding it as well as the wave of fatigue that has set in.

The front wall of my tent walkway fell over today. Evidence of time passing and the glacier moving. Similarly, I changed headlamp batteries for the second time. It's been 40 days since I left home-we're hitting the midway mark of the expedition.

I also grew up during the Terry Fox era. I think the image of him running across Canada day after day is a good cure for self-pity-as was reading Anne Frank's diary. I'm sorry Shakleton's Endurance didn't arrive in time to come on the trip. It's another good one for illustrating how good we've got it.

This is the longest expedition I have been on to date. My previous record was 34 days. It's funny how living in a tent can come to seem like the norm.

Maria-Thanks for keeping me posted about your speech. I am honoured that you chose me as the subject. I know you practised long and hard so I know you did a great job with it. Nerves are tricky. I think they help us preform our best, but we have to use that energy to that end rather than just have them run all over us. We've both been learning lots of late about nerves. Congrats on your bravery!

New Boss-I hope you are holding up-have you and Oma got a Everest worries support group set-up yet? I'm taking good care of myself and will continue to make the best decisions I can. Baby Boss

Shelley-The yaks haven't made it here yet with Katie's poem-perhaps if you have a copy of it-you could post it to this site.

KW-Thanks for the peptalk and advice. As always, your words are so helpful. Yesterday your assessment was correct -today I've swung the other way. Really thinking about high cirrus clouds today-maybe they signal a change in the weather.

Kristen-say Hi to Orcas for me. I could use a hit of that view from your amazing house.

Have a good Thursday,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Pics and updates are first posted to www.myeverest.com/ta  You can read and post messages there.  Judy

Location: Camp Two

Elevation: 6500 Meters

Elevation Gain: 50 Meters

Weather: Cold then hot then cold

Quote of the day: "The true measure of one's worth lies not where you come to be at journey's end, but in the lives you touch along the way"- anonymous. (Thanks Shepp)

Greetings from Camp Two. I've decided that no woman should have to climb Everest under the influence of monthly hormones. Mine have lifted since yesterday and the Everest world seems like a different place.

Mingma and I took a jaunt out towards the Lhotse Face-it's way big and way steep-I'm actually lost for words to describe its amazingly steep iciness. I used to worry about the icefall - now the Lhotse Face has joined the list.

Had lost and have now found my frontal altitude headache. I should go find some vitamin I (ibuprofen), but I'm hiding from the sun in the dining tent. One of my team-mates measured the temperature range in his tent from 12 degrees Fahrenheit to 130 degrees...I am CorningWare, I am Corning Ware.

Today has been a much easier day. I've enjoyed the views that Camp Two provides and it's been good to have a wider range of folks to interact with. I’m still bouncing like a yo-yo on steroids, but have more slack for the ride.

I've been thinking about a book by Pema Chodren, one of my favourite Buddhist authors. She advocates for taking away our habitual and other escapes. She knows that it can be human nature to run away at the first sign of discomfort. She instead recommends "running towards the biting dog."

When I climbed Denali in 2005 there were no escapes that didn't put the expedition at risk for the entire team. We actually did a ritual where we each tied a knot in a piece of rope to signify our commitment to the team and expedition. All 14 of us summitted after 26 gruelling days of climbing. I never once had to wrestle with ideas of escape.

Everest has been a very different experience in this regard. Escape is easy and enacted in the drop of a moment. I knew having such easy escape would send my mind into the wrestling ring. I knew I would prefer the Denali arrangement where I did not have this kind of wrestling to do.

But Everest is a different mountain-I have never wanted this climb to "be at all costs." I committed to my family, to my friends, and to my community, to continuously evaluate the hazards and risks on both big and small scales with the intention always, of safe return. So...wrestling I have done, and wrestling I will continue to do. My ring name is "Totally Awesome." :-)

I'm heading down to basecamp tomorrow for some thick air and many trips to the bakery. I have some weight to gain. If any of you have any strategies for "morning sickness", I'm all ears.

My nausea seems worse around breakfast, but can also be triggered by a dry throat or coughing. Yes-I have a bit of a cough again. Mingma blames it on the Camp One water. I think it's just khumbu cough this time. Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow as I cross the danger of the icefall once again.

I want to say specials hellos to everyone at Memorial University-especially my colleagues in HKR and the folks in Tech Services who have climbed the equivalent of at least the world's six highest mountains in stairs.

Also a special hello to the students and staff of Holy Cross Elementary who brought in loose change as a fundraiser for Everest-007.

Another big hello to Holy Trinity Elementary. I hear the grade fours are learning about dung. It burns quite hot and gives off a sweet acrid smoke.

Thanks again to everyone for your support over the past few days; it means so much to me.

Fiona-can you email me with how you found the Lhotse face?

With appreciation and gratitude,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Picture of TA as posted on www.myeverest.com/ta You can post messages to TA on that site and read others' messages of support.

Location: Camp One

Elevation: 6000 ish Meters

Weather: Very gusty and sunny, now snowing again-serious CorningWare weather

I was going to do an audio update today, but would rather write. It snowed much of last night; then big gusty winds started to blow down the cmw.

When Mingma and I got up, the gusts were bitterly cold so we decided to delay our hike. Later when the winds dropped around noon, it was scorching hot so we didn't walk then either. I had another big wave of nausea hit over lunch so I napped and now it's cold and snowing again.

I took a short stroll around the tents on our piece of glacier, but basically it's been a long, boring hard day of vast temperature and mood changes. A valley after yesterday's high -another round of rollercoaster and the reality of life up high. I've always believed that altitude and living on half as much oxygen as usual could affect one's outlook.

Because we wanted to keep packs light, we have no books, cards, journals...no entertainment so my mind has had way too much time on its hands. Does a mind have hands?

Health and weather permitting, we'll move up to Camp Two tomorrow and with teammates being up there, time should pass a bit quicker. It was also a long night as you know -altitude can play havoc with sleep.

So that's my whining for today-I hope the nausea passes soon...thanks for all your kind support and stories and experiences.  They really help on days like this.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

All entries are copied here from www.myeverest.com/ta TA took this picture of Mingma climbing the last ladder near the top of the Khumbu Icefall.  Judy

Location: Camp One

Elevation: 6000 ish Meters

Elevation Gain: 700 ish Meters

Weather: Hot and Sunny-Clouding over now and snowing

Quote of the Day: Whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you are probably right.

If you asked me this morning if I'd be lounging in a tent in Camp One this afternoon, I would have said the odds were near to impossible. For my 4:30 am breakfast, I requested one of my favourites: Japanese noodle soup with egg. It went down OK, but as I was doing the final packing job, a wave of nausea hit like a tsunami and I barely made it outside the dining tent before blowing breakfast all over the rocks.

Not the start of the day I imagined. Nerves perhaps. I went back inside sobbing wondering if I should call the WHOLE thing off. I finished my hot drink and packing and Mingma arrived.

I didn't fess up to my rough start, but thought I'd go for a bit and see if everything settled. We reached the first ladder in about 45 minutes and I nearly lost the rest of my belly contents. For some reason, I wasn't quite ready to throw in the towel so I keep taking it ladder by ladder, step by step, wave after wave. I knew I could pull the plug whenever it got too much.

About 2 hours in, the steps and necessary narrow focus of achieving those steps had settled my being. At brief standing breaks, I took in some calories. We never stopped for more than five minutes at a go. As we made our way through the "popcorn" section, (a nasty section of very rotten ice), I began to nurture a small glimmer of hope (like the sun that was dancing on the ice,) that I might actually make Camp One.

There was traffic in the icefall and I just let everyone on my tail pass through. One kindly German fellow remarked that I was "one tough lady." I wasn't sure at the time, but I'm willing to accept the title now. In the ways that we do when things are hard, I told myself I never needed to climb the Icefall again.

The wiring of our brains is amazing though because lying here in amazing comfort at 20,000 feet, I can already sense a seed of willingness to perhaps tackle it again. It was 5.5 hours of some of the hardest climbing/living I have ever done, but being here now makes every second of that toughness worth it.

We had a lovely nutritious lunch of soup, bacon, and M&M's (now you kids out there know how to eat better than that). I'll spend the afternoon hydrating and breathing as I've just made a big elevation jump. I have a slight altitude headache that I hope will pass with the above strategies.

As we topped the fall, my pace was dropping off and at one point, I though camp was much further off. I was doing some serious talking to my feet and legs to keep them moving. Then I saw the tents and my mind filled with yahoo!

The views of the summit, Lhotse Face, and South Col are truly breathtaking and intimidating as all get out. Not exactly sure what my plan is. It will depend on how my body reacts to this new elevation.

Thanks to all for thinking of me today-I’m sure it helped me get up the "hill".

Special Camp One hellos and hoorays to all the children of St. Francis of Assisi School, Outer Cove. Thanks for writing and letting me know that your mountain is half full! That's fabulous and keep up all that good physical activity. It will get us all up the mountain. Hello to Mrs. Furey.

BPT-it was a very Buddhist day! Very much like meditation.

Deb. S.-hope you are feeling better so I can show you how to play the game of hockey. Thanks for writing.

KW-hope the paddling is fine.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Everest Basecamp

Elevation: 5200 Meters

Weather: Sunny and Breezy

Quote of the Day: "Learn to be still

and know that you can still learn." (Thanks mc)

It's been an "org and admin" day consisting of showering (how delightful); laundry (I hate sqeezing water out of clothes and I’m worried my climbing clothes aren't drying fast enough); packing for Camp One (eek-oh me nerves); and eating (she who eats the most, gets to the top.)

Mingma arrived in the early evening. We're going to try for Camp One at 5 am tomorrow. I'm both scared and excited. I've decided to save the new Everest Basecamp bakery for my return after this sojourn up the mountain.

So since I haven't had a Vanilla Dip donut in 34 days (a regular donut dipped in vanilla icing and then dipped in multi-colored sprinkles-eating one is akin to a religious experience for me), I 've decided to blame all difficulties on that dietary omission. I should have packed some portables rainbows so I could make a reasonable facsimile here at BC. We did have donuts one day for breakfast.

Having started my monthly hormonic journey today, I can see in hindsight why the climb out of Pheriche was so hard (even though as Mavis pointed out, the "why" probably doesn't matter).

So tomorrow feels like a big day. I know you'll all be thinking of me as I make my way up and through the icefall.

Thanks to the kids of MacPherson Elementary and the School for the Deaf for writing.

Karen-way big thanks for the great big pep talk. The clouds are cool today.

Katherine-way big congrats on getting the thesis out. I'm way proud of you.

Liz-thanks for the multitude of memories.

Mags-way good to hear from you.

Morgan-thanks for writing. I'm now on my third Paulo book. Yes-Everest is my pyramid.

Thanks as well to all those who took time to write such encouraging words. I appreciate them greatly and I do carry you and your words into every step.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Mount Everest Basecamp

Elevation: 5300 Meters

Elevation Gain: 400 Meters

Weather: Sunny and warm

I got back to basecamp just in time for lunch. It's good to be back in this strange home of rock and ice. I was greeted with hot orange drink and I downed four cups since it was no longer 50 rupees a cup.

I trekked up the past two days on my own because Mingma had to stay in Phortse an extra day. He should return to basecamp tonight and we'll map out a plan for the next part of the climb.

Basecamp is very quiet because all of the teammates I trekked up with have gone back up the mountain for acclimitization round two. They'll be aiming to spend some time at Camp Two. I keep reminding myself that there is lots of time.

When I arrived Ang Jangbu handed over a snail mail extravaganza...10 wonderful pieces were waiting for my return. Thanks to Judy (I love Easter Tigger - especially the hood with ears), Karen, Mavis (with three pieces!), Leslie, Sandy, Pat and Ellen, Eva, Heather and her grade five class, and Jacinta and the students of Stella Maris Academy. Thank-you for the fine homecoming mail!

Speaking of homecomings, welcome home Mom and Dad! Glad to hear you had a good trip and that Oma did well. Glad she is able to get out walking now.

I finished eight books on my low elevation jaunt. I'll miss the library at the Himalayan Hotel but perhaps our new teammates from South Africa ans Singapore added some new books to our basecamp collection.

That's all the news from here. Have a good day.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Loboche

Elevation: 4910 Meters

Elevation Gain: 710 Meters

Weather: Crisp and sunny with the usual afternoon build-up.

When I started out from Pheriche this morning, the veil has transformed itself into a welder's face shield that dropped heavily into place. It was hot and claustrophobic and as I took my first few steps out of town, I could hardly breathe.

Along with the dark shield, many feelings descended as well: fear, anxiety, stress, excitement...you name it - it was probably there. I reminded myself to breathe and to start walking. This eased things somewhat and I began to make headway up the valley.

As the climb steepened, I was catapulted into my head and behind the shield. For the next hour, I could perceive only my weakness, my fatigue, my cough, my fear. I had conversations with all of you about how hard it was being, how if I didn't start back towards basecamp today, I wasn't sure I would go back, how my training had been all wrong, how I'd peaked at the wrong time, how each step felt so hard. I was really whining in my head, but I kept stepping.

The dark glass of the shield kept me from seeing the reality that nothing was wrong with the present moment-that is was just being hard to go uphill. I think it's often hard for most folks to go up at 4500 meters. It's not that I wanted it to be easy necessarily, but I wanted to feel strong, resilient, centered...more like how I usually am. Like I'd felt two days ago.

I searched my mind for reasons for the difficulty and I could come up with a whole host of explanations. It was as if I hoped knowing the "why" might ease the suffering of that moment. I tried to just feel the angst, the pain, the fear and let the feelings wash over and through-trying hard not to feed them or cement them in place.

I kept stepping. I reached Dugla after about an hour of this-took a short break, and tried to go gently up the Dugla Hill. My cough was already aggrevated so I knew to go slow.

I set my sights on a rock, walked to it, and took a standing break. I repeated this over and over again. All the way up the hill. I reached the top, took another short breather, and left the Climber's memorial chortens behind, after reiterating my intention of safe return.

Having gained most of the day's elevation, the way forward now meandered along the edges of the glacial moraine. For awhile, the Lama who does the basecamp pujas, was behind me. I heard his deep throated mantras and the click of his mala (a string of beads using to keep track of the number of mantras said).

At one point, he and I locked eyes. I silently thanked him for our puja, fingered the protection cord around my neck that he had blessed, and asked intuitively for some assistance with the morning's suffering.

As I continued towards Loboche, the faceshield began to dissolve and my mind emptied of its urgency. Three hours had now passed and the diamond hardness of the morning has passed paradoxically into memory. I could begin to see that I had arrived here safely, that I still had energy and will to go on, and that everything (as Dory had so aptly put the other day) was OK (as was I).

I feel a bit sheepish today putting out yet another dispatch describing the inner landscape, but it is what is most compelling to me at the moment.

Besides, Loboche is really the armpit of Nepal-covered in garbage and stinking of feces. Even my best descriptive writing cannot revive Loboche. It exists only because people trek and climb here. It is a necessary stop for most for acclimitization, but I don't think it is anyone's highlight. I'm here because it was part of the Doc's prescription. I'll hike the remainder of the way to basecamp tomorrow.

Natelle-have a great course in AK. Dig deep. Learn lots. You'll be great.

My Sangha-I miss you all-the retreat sounded great-thanks for all the tonglen and thoughts.

Liz-thinking of you today with lots of memories of 2002-on the beach in Thailand right?

BPT-say hi to Bianca for me-unless you and M already have a new Wed. hangout.

All the Newfoundland Kids-thanks for writing-I can tell you are back from Easter Break. I hope you are all being very active these days-even though I hear the weather isn't so great back home.

Thanks for coming along on this most unusual climb.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Pheriche

Elevation: 4200 Meters

Elevation Gain: 500 Meters

Quote of the Day: Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life. (Paulo Coelho)

This was one of those days when I opened my eyes in the morning, I had no idea what the day would deliver (guess that's really true every day).

I knew I wanted to walk/hike today so tomorrow would be a rest day before heading back up towards basecamp. Having read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" yesterday, I set two intentions: to walk towards Nangkartshang Gompa and to listen to the mountains.

As I climbed the ridge from Pheriche, I knew immediately that I needed to take a most gentle pace-one that allowed me to breathe solely through my nose and one that would not tax me too much since I was on assigned R and R.

As I climbed higher on the ridge, I kept repeating "gentle, gentle." That was the mantra for the day. I cut off the main trail choosing a contouring yak path to lead me to the lowest hermitage of the gompa. I figured yaks must know how to take the best line.

About an hour in, I arrived at the lower stone retreats. I circled the mani stones three times and explored the site. All the wooden doors were locked, but I noticed a profound stillness despite the whipping wind. I had a snack and decided to avail of the stillness by meditating (something I probably haven't being doing enough of out here).

There was a small bench of granite and I took my seat there. The Chukung Valley dropped a 1000 feet below my stance and prayer flags cracked above me in the breeze. I knew I was sitting where monks from Pangboche had sat for centuries and I felt welcomed into the sanctity of the space.

I set my eyes six feet out as I do at home, but instead of carpet, my gaze dropped into the wild emptiness of the valley below. The space seemed to be a sponge for my mind and soon I found myself deep without much thought.

When I was done, I continued up the hill weaving amid cliffs and rocks, visiting each level of hermitage in turn. Some were in ruins, others were hosts to strings of fresh prayer flags. As I ascended, I kept repeating my intention of "gentle, gentle" and I relished going uphill for the first time in weeks. It was though climbing up today, was a gift instead of a chore. Being able to be out on the slope of that mountain alone, provided me freedom from the gaze, real or imagined, I've struggled under since the beginning of the expedition.

I was able to climb profoundly slowly, to stop frequently to really look, and to listen over and over again to nothing but the lonely wind and the hollow sound of my mind exhausting itself.

I was tempted to climb all the way to the summit of Nangkartshang Peak, but the afternoon build-up of clouds had already begun and I knew I shouldn't really push it. I had had a profoundly healing morning on the mount and it was time to head back to the valley-trying to remember and embrace the lessons from the heights.

Susan-I seem to have smuggled "the stick" out of your office. I've given it to a porter to take down to Lukla. It will fly to KTM and then be fed-exed back to you :-)

My AppleCore Hockey Team-I thought about all of you today. I really miss playing hockey and I think hockey play-offs must be this weekend. Maybe I can "score" Camp-One while you are scoring goals during the tournament. Keep your sticks on the ice.

Lin-Thanks for sharing your journey. Indeed, "Everest" takes many forms in our lives.

Courtney-Thanks for sharing your Dad's story with me. Illness is often an "Everest" that takes a much bigger toll than altitude ever does. I'm glad your dad has you in his corner. We all needs words and deeds to pick us up when our "Everests" are asking much of us.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Please be sure to check www.myeverest.com/ta for audio updates, as well as the initial postings of picture and text updates by TA.  Thanks. Judy

Elevation: 4200 Meters

Elevation Lost: 1100 Meters

Weather: Warm then cold and windy

Lojong Slogan of the Day: "Don't Be Predictable."

Lojong Slogans

Lojong slogans are pithy Buddhist phrases that we received by Atisha in 900 AD that are used to train the mind. My Buddhist mentor sends me on adventures with a slogan for each day. It was unprecictable for me to descent. I often power through-so good to try something new.

I'm sitting in the yak dung-warmed dining room of the Himalayan Inn in Pheriche. Haven't really been indoors like this since we were last in Dingboche - when and where, I realized today, the saga of the last two weeks of illness began.

Ironic to return to close "to the scene of the crime" to rest and recover. It's ironic, though I will live in much greater luxury (it's all relative) over the next few days, I'll be forced out into the wind and cold to make these dispatches.

Yak Jams

The hike down today went better than I imagined. With each step down in elevation, I felt my cells draw in a big breath and I imagine them now all with puffed-out chests. For parts of the day, we were stuck behind some yak jams. Other than the dust they kicked up, they set a lovely pace for my ailing lungs.

I tried to get a good shot of the yak jam but to no avail. Hopefully tomorrow I get something worth sending off.

It was SO good to move today. As a kinesthetic processer, walking often gives me new perspectives. As I stepped over rock after rock in the Khumbu Glacier moraine, "the veil" came into clearer and clearer focus.

The Veil

The veil is woven of fine taffeta. When it is held close to the eyes, its presence is barely perceptable. When it moves further from the face, it forms a thick mask that is both hard to see through and hard to ignore.

Hiking down today, I became aware of the veil that I've been looking through for the past two weeks. The weft of its fine weave is the voice of doubt. The warp has been the various illnesses. Woven together, they have been plaguing my mind and confidence. The veil has influenced how I have perceived everything - from the color of the sky to the steepness of a slope.

I am talking Michael and Fiona's advice to deep heart (thanks to you both for writing) and I plan to take a Nepal vacation over the next few days. I will do little physical activity; I'll induge in lots of food (I'm already down 10 pounds from home and that's not good); read; and most importantly, try to take the veil off. I hope to use this time to begin again-to use my great mental strength in support of myself instead of against.

As many have said, this is a path. It's all Everest. Every step and every breath. My task as I told so many young people, is to learn from all the moments along the way.

Many Thanks

Your support means so much to me. I'm sure you all saw the veil long before I. I appreciate you holding out hope and healing during the time it took for me to see it. I'm not fooled into thinking it won't drop into place again but perhaps I will be quicker to brush it away.

A few specific notes to folks:

Michael B-Dave Hahn says hello. He's in basecamp with his client.

BPT-thanks for the wise words-please keep 'em coming. I'm trying to repeat 'the path is the goal' at least 100 times per day!

Liz-thinking of the last time we shared R & R time in Pheriche. Had my first cup of Milk tea of the trip here in honour of our 2002 trip. Thanks for your encouragement. Say hi to Leo for me.

Buddy-you melt me. Hugs. Clouds. Keep the heat gun out.

Thanks,

TA

Updates are initially posted to

www.myeverest.com/ta

Please check there if you would likely to receive updates quickly.

Location: Everest Basecamp South

Elevation: 5300 Meters

Elevation Gain: 300 Meters

Weather: High winds in the morning, some sun, cold in the afternoon

Quote of the Day: Always maintain the support of a joyful mind

Hi,

Was awake much of the night. There were strong gusts of wind that threatened to take my tent away. I think I saw every hour between 8 and 4 am when I got up.

I stored my boot liners and socks in my bag so they would be warm to put on. I got all dressed and organized and headed out into the night. At first, I carried that lovely "bed warmth" with me until the wind striped it from me (OK-HKR 4210-What kind of heat loss is that?)

The sliver moon hung in the gap over the icefall and the stars seemed one level brighter than usual. I watched the headlamps of the many sherpas ascend the icefall. It was like a reverse of those ski hill scenes with skiers carrying lights as they ski down in the dark.

I choked down breakfast and met Mingma by the altar. We threw rice and asked for safe passage in the icefall.

The day's light was beginning to break through as we put on our harnesses and crampons. The "trail" was much more spiked in this time than last since sherpas from many teams have begun carrying supplies to higher camps.

In some ways, this trip up was easier than the first (they promise it gets easier). We covered the distance to the first ladder in a bit less time. Soon after doing a radio check-in, I noticed my energy beginning to take a dive and I had my first of many "cough so hard I almost vomit" sprees - so I turned us around.

We got back and I loaded up on hot drinks and headed for my tent. For the next two hours, I could do nothing but stare at the ceiling. I was profoundly exhausted. As we say in Newfoundland, "the arse fell outta 'er." I felt quite poorly and wondered if I was going down the HAPE path again.

Having graduated yesterday in high spirits, it was hard to make another appearance in the HRA clinic. They checked me out, my sats were fine (low eighty's), and the diagnosis was exhaustion from being sick for nearly two weeks up high.

With me teary and knowing what the answer was, the doc said it was time to head down valley for some thick air  and R and R. That it would be hard to regain the strength that I need for the climb up here in basecamp since exerting up here really takes it out of you.

Down lower is thicker air, warmer temperatures, and trails to hike on that don't lead to avalanche slopes. I hear an avalanche just now (we hear them all the time). So the long walk tomorrow seems daunting, but I take that as evidence that it is time for me to go down. I can't get completely well here.

Thanks for all your healing thoughts and prayers. I continue to need them. I didn't foresee having to climb an "Everest" before the actual Everest.

Would someone please pass on greetings to Paul Adler and thank him for sharing his experience of last year. I'll hopefully meet him when I get back from the Pheriche "spa" :-). Mingma will accompany me down to Periche or Deboche or Pangboche. Our trip leader says it might be good to see trees.

My teammates had a windy night at Camp One and made a foray towards Camp Two today. Many will return to basecamp tomorrow.

I'll leave you with one image that stands out in my mind today. As Mingma and I descended the icefall, he pointed out that one of eight strands of prayer flags had gotten lose in the wind. About 100 prayer flags danced and snaked and celebrated their newfound freedom whipping to and fro the beat of hidden drummer.

Hugs,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Everest South Basecamp

Weather: Wind, Snow, Sun, Cold, Warm, Repeat Several Times

Quote of the Day: "Stay strong in your beliefs and believe in your strength." (Thanks MC)

Do you remember those old CorningWare commercials? Out of the freezer and into the oven. This describes life on a glacier to a "T". When the sun is out, we're toasty warm, blazing hot, parched, sweating, and think we are at the beach. When the sun drops in behind a cloud or gives it up for the night, the temperature plummets and we make a quick trip into the freezer.

So I imagine myself as a piece of CorningWare from my mother's kitchen - able to withstand great temperature variation and decorated with sweet blue highlights.

The weather last night began with snow and progressed to high winds and lightning. At five a.m., there seemed to be no break in the weather coming, so the trip up to Camp One for my teammates was postponed by a day. It's been breezy much of the day, but the strong gusts have dropped off.

I made my daily pilgrimage to the clinic this morning. Good news. My lungs are now clear and the docs are no longer concerned about HAPE (high altitude pulmonary edema). They liked how the codeine interrupted the cough cycle so I'm doing another round of that today. My O2 sat was better today (79) and didn't drop much with exertion (73). So, I did a bit more walking today - at a speed that didn't trigger coughing - and we're hoping for a gradual return to increased activity over the next days.

I wanted to say a special Base Camp hello to Benjamin Andrews.  He is a frequent correspondent and I appreciate his commitment to following along.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Mount Everest Basecamp

Weather: You Name It, We Had it Today

Quote of the Day: We don't do it because it is easy. We do it because it is difficult. John F. Kennedy (Thanks Fran)

There is quite the buzz about basecamp as everyone is preparing to make their first push to Camp One tomorrow. Climbers are sorting loads to be carried to Camp One and Camp Two. Some are attending orientations like I did yesterday and lots of questions can be heard bouncing from tent to tent such as "What are you sending to Camp One?" "Where are you sending your downsuit?" "What kind of food are you packing?"

Me? I have a different sort of buzz on the go. After my daily visit to the clinic, the docs decided to try to interupt my cough cycle by getting me to take some codeine. They've treated the underlying causes of the cough so this was the next step. Codeine can be a respiratory depressant so they didn't want me to take it at night.

So I've had the most interesting kind of day trying to keep myself awake and focused. I must say the past five hours of freedom from coughing have been heavenly and I hope this day of both physical and coughing rest gives the inhaler drugs a chance to do some good work inside my lungs.

The docs and I discussed whether or not to have me go to a lower elevation to heal-they thought in their best judgment it made sense to remain here for now. I brought them some Swiss chocolate this morning.

My clinic visits provide some "girl time." As the only woman on my expedition, I sometimes enjoy getting out of the all-male environment and sharing the company of women for small bits of time.

When I asked former Everest climbers for advice, they often mentioned patience. It will be very tough on me tomorrow when the entire team that I trekked in with heads for Camp One, but I know that it will be a time for me to practise that patience they spoke of. It's actually snowing right now so who knows? Maybe no one will go up.

The stretch of obstacles and illness has been quite humbling. In my sea-level life, I am not often sick so this experience has filled me with compassion for me and for all who suffer from sickness or hurdles. Each obstruction has provided a decision-point location from which to continue to chose the climb. I can look back and appreciate how I have hung in despite the lassitude that both illness and altitude bring.

I'm a bit worried about how my fitness will be when I allowed to climb again. In hearing this worry in myself, I remind myself that I'm actually currently on schedule with my teammates. Given everything, I still haven't dropped off the pace. So, it will be fine; however hard I have to breathe, however slow I have to walk, however hard it will be, I know how to make my way.

A Touching Moment

With yesterday's technology glitches and sending out an audio blog for the second day in a row, I received this reply from Rayne and Xander. As some of you know, Rayne and Xander are my neice and nephew (almost 5 and 2). With the help of their mom Shawn they wrote, "Aunty TA-we like it when your computer misbehaves because we then get to hear your voice. We get a bit confused that when we say 'Hi Aunty TA' you don't answer back. We've learned how to turn on the computer by ourselves so we can hear your voice whenever we want." I just melted when I read that and I hear from many of you that you like to hear my voice so I'll keep sending off a variety of updates.

I'm going to send this one off as text only-if it goes well-I'll try a few photos.

I'm grateful to have you all thinking of me, sending healing thoughts, and messages of inspiration. All are wonderful to receive. I wanted to send a special thank-you out to Renee Sagebear who provided me with homeopathic remedies to bring along.  I have been taking them along with the Western medications and I'm sure they are helping me heal as well.

Take good care,

TA

www.myeverest.com/ta

Location: Basecamp

Elevation: 5500 Meters

Elevation Gain: Not sure-my altimeter was accidently sacrificed to the Khumbu gods today

Weather: Currently snowing with thunder in the background

My Experience of the Icefall

After years of imagining and dreaming, today was the day for me to first experience the Khumbu Icefall in its icy flesh. Knowing we'd set a goal of the lower ladders, Mingma and I set off after breakfast.

The icefall. A horrible beautiful place. Glistening in shades of white and blue. Frozen waves captured by time in undulations that range from the miniscule to the towering.

Like the gods were laughing when they spilled solid white ice cubes from heaven's freezer, letting them melt into a chaotic terrifying heap, and then allowing them to freeze again into a river rapid of ice.  

The lower icefall is more horizontal than vertical with the ice waves coming at you like a huge surfing day in Hawaii. Wave after wave to be surmounted and descended, surmounted and descended, gradually but with increasing effort, gaining altitude and losing breath.

As the fall steepened, it was almost easier as rhythms of breath and step could be recalled from the depths of memory of other high altitude challenges. Fixed lines appreared and my attention was focused by ladders and the process of clipping and unclipping my safety tether. No longer could I luxuriate into the suffering part of my mind-instead, the terrain demanded every molecule of attention I could give it.

Prior to that part of the icefall, I felt as though I was being deeply humbled by every step and every breath. The experience was picking the meat off of my bones in the way that vultures do in a Tibetan sky burial. I wasn't sure how much of me would be left as the icy shards I was climbing, cut deep to the heart of my soul.

Again, armed with my Oma's (my German grandmother who is 89 years old and who hates that I climb mountains) stubbornness and strength, I knew the only thing to do was continue to step over round after round of the icy knives before me and trust that I would exist at the end of the gauntlet.

As I mentioned, the climbing actually got easier for me as the terrain steepened and the focus shifted from horizontal waves to cascading ice. Setting the objective dangers to one corner of my mind, this part of the icefall felt like a vertical playpen.

I've always liked to climb things starting with trees, progressing to the garage, the house, and eventually rocks and ice. When we began to encounter the Khumbu's famous ladders, I was more than ready to engage my inner climbing queen who has always loved climbing out on edges for a view.

The first ladder was a "single": a single aluminum ladder (about 10 feet long) assisting us over a steep section. The second ladder was also a single-this time bridging a narrow crevasse. Ladder Three was appropriately "a triple" spanning a much wider crevasse: classic Khumbu. Sitting there, I captured images with my own eyes and camera that I had seen in pictures for years.

I wasn't scared or nervous-just eager to give it a go. I crossed over and back with no crampon snags or near misses. I even felt confident enough to capture the classic photo looking down through the ladder rungs.

Flat Stanley did well on the ladders. He deftly jumps from ladder rung to ladder rung managing a delicate balancing act with each step.

After Ladder Three, it was getting warm in the icefall and time to head down. The steep section passed quickly and the horizontal waves again took a toll on my tired mind and quads. We got back to basecamp just in time for lunch having spent two hours ascending and one hour descending.

Clinic Update

I visited the HRA clinic today for follow-up. There were pleased with my progress and the absence of any wheezing but would like to see me hack free in two days or they will consider prescribing a puffer. After the big aerobic output of the morning, my O2 sats had dropped to 80 but they were not concerned. The humidity in the air here is 2-5% so I do my best to breathe through a scarf and twice a day I hang my head over a bowl of steaming water and breathe.

Back to You

Michael and Emily-I know you've been reading the Everest trilogy-and know one day you made "ascents" of the Khumbu Icefall on a snow day from school. I'm thinking about you. I hope the Easter Bunny finds Torbay.

Sandra-your hunch was correct-the "Icefall Doctors" are a group of sherpas hired by the national park to maintain the sytem of ladders and fixed lines through the icefall and the Western Cmn.

Scott-I got a great shot of the many basecamps from the icefall today. I'll post it tomorrow as Ladder Three gets to be the star of the show today.

Bev-Welcome aboard. I am glad you are enjoying coming along on the adventure. Sorry thatyour knee won't allow you to experience the Khumbu Valley in person.

Pam-Thanks for your reflections. Yes-you are right-this journey has required me tapping into my inner strength reserves sooner and deeper than I ever anticipated. I hope the well is as full as it needs to be.

Bob-Thanks for bringing my journey into your classroom. The time I spent at Holy Heart was very special and I carry some of that "Heart" with me now.

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

TA's tent has the Newfoundland flag on top!

Location: Everest Basecamp

Weather: Sunny & Windy

Quote of the Day: (Thanks Scott)

The Buddha once said...Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

In early spring, as soon as the roadsides are clear of snow, some Newfoundlanders make a pilgrimage to their favourite "gravel pit" to deposit a trailer or RV to secure their spot for the upcoming camping season. Similarly, IMG sent sherpas out to basecamp in early January to reserve our spot in the gravelly world of the Khumbu glacier.

During the past year, when I presented to nearly 10,000 children in Newfoundland, I often showed a picture of our expedition's approach to the north side of Mount Mckinley. We traveled up the Muldrow Glacier from its very toe, mounting gravel heap after gravel heap. The students always laughed when I refered to this as "gravel pit camping to the max."

Here in Everest basecamp, I find myself camping amid gravel again and thought I would share some of life on the glacier with you. We are camped right on top of the Khumbu glacier. The glacier is said to move at close to a meter a day. The glacier is covered in a fine coating of gravel somewhat like hair on a newborn (not soft but barely covering the icy surface.) We've worn paths of convenience between all parts of camp, but we always have to be on guard for slips and falls.

Depending on the temperature, the small glacial ponds and rivers are flowing or frozen. Each team climbing Everest puts down an environmental deposit which is not returned unless the team properly deposes of all trash and human waste in mandated ways.

At basecamp, we take "dumps" into barrels. The excrement is hauled down valley by specialized porters to specific locations where it can be dealt with appropriately. Showers take place in the shower tent-often nicely warmed by the sun. You get a lovely bucket of hot water and a cup. It is a divine experience we're allowed to have once a week.

Our garbage is collected and sorted and taken down valley to various disposal sites. Meals are cooked over kerosene stoves. Electrical power for lights, cameras, and communications action is provided by the sun. The solar panel I have on the back of my tent is charging my PDA as I type.

More and more expedition teams are arriving each day, creating similar villages on the ice and gravel. Mingma and I took a gentle hike to where the icefall route begins this morning. It gave us quite the view of the Khumbu gravel empire. Tomorrow, assuming today's healing trajectory, Mingma and I will make our first foray into the lower icefall.

I woke up feeling much better- with a looser cough and more energy. I was praising antibiotics as the wonder drugs they are. This afternoon, having endured some "fecal" emergencies -I'm cursing the same drugs. How does that go? "When it rains, it pours!" Maybe I'm just trying to get every Everest illness challenge out of the way in the first week at basecamp.

Anyway-as many of you have suggested-this too shall pass :-) Thanks for all of your kind words and suggestions.

Judy-I hope you are enjoying your family vacation. Please wish your Mom a happy birthday from me. WAY BIG THANKS for being "Communications Queen" - managing my email and sending the wonderful marvelous compliation email each day.

Hazelwood Elementary Students- Thanks for all of your emails. I hope you have a good Easter break. I will go into the Khumbu Icefall for the first time tomorrow. I miss playing hockey; my favourite team is the Edmonton Oilers. Thanks to Mr. Ezickle for keeping you posted of my progress.

Scott-Thanks for today's quote and all your encouragement.

Alison & Al-I've been enjoying the chocolate and Far Sise cartoons you sent along.

Ann & Graham-Thanks for the push up through my illness challenges.

MC-Thanks for yesterday's quote and your perspective on illness and the Everest path.

Gillian-Say hi to the boys for me and eat lots of chocolate for me on Sunday.

Maureen-say hi to everyone in the IDO for me.

Trudy-Thanks for being right there with me on this journey. It's not hard to beat NF weather this time of year. I'll send a dose of sunshine your way.

Mavis & Colin-a big hug right back at ya!

Darrell-yup-tears are the cat's meow-hope life on the rig is treating you well.

Shanda-I've been telling myself the same thing.

Mira-I hope to meet your friend when he arrives in basecamp. I understand how Everest fever can take hold-some folks from Newfoundland have been telling me it's taking hold there as well.

Shelagh-thanks for the hug-hugs are great!

Nancy & Erika-Say hi to GFW and Mme Stoodley's class for me. Flat Stanley says hello.

Sandra-yes-ladder practice is very helpful-I'll put it to the test tomorrow.

Darlene-say hi to The Rock for me.

Buddy-The clouds are amazing-please wish Ye a happy Gotcha Day!

Until tomorrow,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Base Camp

Elevation: 5500 Meters

Weather: Initially sunny now overcast and cold

Quote of the Day: "If I may dare to step into the footprints of legends, I must place each step in unison with theirs and yet each step must be my own."

Health Update

Hello from my little nest. It's cold so I'm tucked into my sleeping bag typing this update. I've just returned from the base camp clinic with a diagnosis of bronchitis. I'm starting some antibiotics and hope to be on the mend soon. I'm ordered to rest at least one more day. The good news is that my O2 saturation was fine (84%-Judy I knew you would want to know). It will be hard to watch my teammates begin their icefall forays tomorrow, but I know I'm in this for the long haul and getting well is the first priority. The base camp clinic website is www.basecampmd.com.

Puja Blessings

Today, in the early morning we had our puja ceremony. I felt very blessed to attend since I had read about such ceremonies for years. The Lama arrived from Pangboche last night. The ceremony began with the lighting of juniper boughs to create a thick smoke and the Lama beginning to lead chants and mantras with four sherpas sitting beside him. It's not unusual for sherpa young men to spend some time studying in a monastery.

The altar was a four foot high rectangle made of stone. The top was adorned with five mountain-shaped stones. On the altar, there were sculptures made of butter and tsampa (tsampa is barley flour). There were also butter lamps, chang (barley beer), mountain snacks, beverages, and katas (ceremonial scarves).

The melodic syllables wafted up towards the wakening icefall carried up and over the hazards by the juniper smoke. We will circumambulate the altar and burn juniper before each venture into the icefall. The smokey air was filled with an atmosphere of both frivolity and sacredness - a spiritual party reflecting both reverence and celebration.

Some of the climbing sherpas with tsampa on their faces. Tsampa is spread on the cheeks and forehead during the puja for good luck, successful summit, and long life.  Mingma is second in line wearing his Everest-007 toque. We sipped chang throughout and threw rice towards the mountain whenever the Lama did. About halfway through the 2.5 hour ceremony, the puja pole was raised with prayer flags and katas flying in eight directions from the altar. Everyone stirred with excitement as the Lung Ta (which means windhorse) flew sending prayers up toward the Mother Goddess. The colors of red, white, yellow, blue, and green preside over every corner of our base camp.

Soon after the puja pole was raised, we each received some trampa to eat, to throw into the air, and to smear on each other's faces for long life, safety, and summit success. At this moment, revery took over and the tsampa delivery approximated a cafeteria food fight with kindness. Blessings and good wishes were shared all round along with snacks and beverages (both alcoholic and non). A bit more rice was thrown and now our team is blessed, ready, and able to make it's way up the mountain.

Buddhist Connections

I was touched to be participating in this Buddhist ceremony today because my home sangha (Buddhist community) is on retreat this week and I miss being there. I know that as we shouted "Ki Ki So So" and threw rice here - they would too on Saturday, so the puja helped bridge the many miles between us.

My Buddhist name is Tsultrim Mig Gya which means "Discipline Great Vision." One's Buddhist name is given at the the time of taking refuge (how one becomes a Buddhist) and reflects one's life path. I'm sure my climb of Everest will require mountains of both discipline and vision.

Base Camp Update

There are 16 teams currently in basecamp and our IMG team will lead the way up for now since we are the first to complete our puja. Word has it that the icefall doctors have route laid into Camp One.

By the way, in case any of you haven't figured it out (seems like Everest News has not), I am a woman.

Many Thanks

Thanks to the kids from Holy Trinity for the cheers and questions as well to all of you who are sending healing energy and prayers my way.

Thanks for tuning in,

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Big Mountain, Big Emotions

I cried myself to sleep last night. Don't tell anyone. :-) I was so tired from two nights of dicey altitude sleep and my brewing cold had me feeling so poorly, that my emotions began to spill over. I didn't fight the tears and I felt much better after the big release.

Given a headache and the cold, I took some diamox in hopes of a better rest. The increased urinary output was worth catching more winks. I woke up feeling more rested than I had in days but my cough had turned productive. The day hike to higher elevations was out for me (and as it turns out for everyone else on the team as well).

Training is Grand Fun

I felt OK enough to participate in a training session on fixed rope ascension, rapelling, and glacier travel. The session was great fun and helped me appreciate the mountain skill set I possess.

During the session, one of Nupse's hanging glaciers let go and we watched the avalanche excitedly descend, knowing we were in a safe location. Slowly and silently the giant white cloud descended upon us. We were covered in spindrift snow by the time it passed over.

From our perch atop the ice fin of the lower icefall, we could appreciate how the base camp universe was growing day by day. It was as if the Mother Goddess had sprinkled wildflower seeds over this corner of the Khumbu. Colorful blossoms are popping up on the ice in clusters any gardener would be proud of.

Base Camp Construction

Building a base camp takes tremendous labour. The glacier ice must be pounded into submission and levelness so that tents glarore can be set up to house climbers, sherpas, kitchens, communications,and medical facilities. Base camp has its own medical clinic staffed by volunteer doctors.

Since the glacier moves a meter per day, all structures need continuous maintenance. I actually moved tents today because my initial one was quite damp. The views from my new one aren't quite so spectacular, but I have a lovely stone entry way and I could plant petunias if I only had some soil. My new location means the Newfoundland flag should be visible to all who ascend and descent the Khumbu icefall.

Send lots of healing energy my way. I've been hydrating, taking vitamin C, cold F/X, and doing reiki over my lungs.

Thanks to all the encouragement from Bishop Feild School and from everyone else as well.

TA

You can see a video of the spindrift on Mike and Casey's site:

http://www.colemaneverest.com/coleman/everest/trackmike.htm

under "Day of Sun", 4 April 07.  There's a glimpse of TA sitting, watching the spindrift.  You can spot her yellow Sportiva boots.

Judy

This is my tent in Base Camp, draped in the Newfoundland flag. The Khumbu
Icefall is in the background.

Location: Mount Everest Base Camp

Elevation: 17, 500 feet

Weather: Sunny and warm during the day, minus 5 C in my tent overnight.

The excitement of arriving in base camp continued today. We spent our first night in our new homes. The night was crisp and cool, with the remnants of the full moon beaming down on the glacier.

The day began with a briefing for summit climbers that was necessary, but left me temporarily wondering if I was skilled enough to be here. I met with the team leader and was assured that I was in the right place.

We met with our personal sherpas and got our icefall and glacier rigs together, got our radios, practised crossing ladders with our crampons on, and put our crampons to the test on the glacier.

The day helped me settle into base camp life and eager for the challenges that lie ahead. Tomorrow we hike to Pumori base camp for acclimatization and then the next day will bring the Puja ceremony.

I'm nursing a bit of a cough but the guts have settled down (hopefully I've paid my dues on that level for good).

TA

Location: Gorak Shep

Elevation: 5180 Meters

Elevation Gain: 240 Meters

Weather: Gorgeous

Judy, a friend who watched and helped out during the tumultuous months before leaving for Nepal, found the perfect send-off card. On the front, there was a picture of Buddhist monks riding a rollercoaster with their hands raised above their heads.

I had been using the metaphor of a rollercoaster to describe my inner process of ups and downs during the preparation phase. This morning, the image of the rollercoaster was firmly back in my mind.

I'm still struggling a bit with nausea in the morning. I have to work with my mind and body to get and keep food down in the morning. Gagging is a frequent occurrence but I know how important it is to eat.

We left Loboche and my body felt like it was on strike. Though the terrain sloped gently up, I felt like I was dragging each step out from the depths of my soul.

It was arduous in both body and mind and my thoughts cascaded to scripts I don't want to admit to. I knew the only thing to really do was just keep returning to the present moment of putting step in front of step.

We stopped for a break before a steep incline. I took some GU on board and wondered how I was going to get myself up the hill. With more groceries on board, the incline fell away easily and the instensity of my inner world followed suit. Having survived the chugg chugg of the rollercoaster going up, I could now let go of the safety bar and enjoy the ride down. From a temporary place of impossibility, great views of mountain summits emerged.

It's funny how many times I have to learn various lessons over and over again. On Aconcagua, I thought I'd learned the grocery lesson but I guess not quite. I am also getting glimpses of how intense physical sensations trigger equally intense mental/emotional sensations for me and one of my major Everest tasks will be learning to ride the rollercoaster with the skill of a Buddhist monk.

In 2002, Liz and I trekked from Loboche to Gorak Shep and then climbed Kala Pattar (5500 ish meters) and then returned to Loboche. I knew at the time how far Liz had pushed herself to reach the summit that day. Today, having followed in our footsteps again, I have a much deeper appreciation for that feat and I offer Liz my heartfelt congratulations once again from my perch above Gorak Shep.

In the last few hectic (i.e., rollercoaster) months before leaving for Everest, I used to joke that climbing Everest would seem like a vacation. Trying to balance work, training, trip preparations, and speaking engagements left little time for much else.

In many ways, the trek to base camp has been very vacation-like. Around the hours of walking, there has been time for reading, card playing, journaling, and taking life pretty easy. The sherpa staff have been spoiling us rotten and their efforts contribute to the vacation-like atmosphere.

Thanks for all the emails from Cowan Heights Elementary and from other places around the world. In the midst of feeling poorly, it's lovely to hear words and stories of encouragement. I plan to do my weekly audio blog from base when we get there tomorrow!

We caught glimpses of Everest's summit pyramid and the Khumbu icefall today as we made our way over and around kilometers of glacial morraine. We're hoping to see Everest's flanks bathed in alpenglow when we climb up Kala Pattar later today.

One more sleep until basecamp!

  Flat Stanley in front of Pumori.

I am so aware as I trek to Everest Base Camp that I walk in the footsteps of so many others. Camped here in Loboche, I am reminded of when I was last here in 2002. Then, as I trekked, so did the Ford All Women's Everest Expedition. I remember being both in awe of the women I shared the trail with as well as surprised at how "ordinary" they looked. I still find it hard to believe that I am camped where they camped and will follow their footsteps high on Everest. 

Someone remarked that we weren't wearing gloves as we trekked. The weather actually has been delightfully warm most of the time so we haven't had to wear gloves very often. Last night with the jump in elevation to close to 5000 meters, we all pulled out our puffy jackets and more clothes than we'd needed before. 

I continue to feel better though seem to be catching the team cold that is going around. A major challenge of any Everest expedition is staying healthy over the long haul. I'm taking it easy today and pumping in fluids and Cold FX. 

Our sherpa climbing team dropped in on their way to base camp today. I got to spend some more time with Mingma. I look forward to climbing with him. Thanks to my friend, Marie, I've got an Everest-007 toque and t-shirt waiting for him at basecamp. I'm sure everything will seem much more real and less abstract when we reach base camp in two days. 

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

Location: Loboche
Weather: Sunny and warm, cool and overcast
Elevation: 4930 Meters
Elevation Gain: 600ish Meters

Sometimes gifts come wrapped in funny packages. Last night something did not agree with my innards and I had to spend some time outside the tent "dispatching" dinner in a most violent way. I felt much better sans the meal, but wasn't sure if I would be able to move up with the group in the morning.

I spent much of the rest of the night playing through various scenarios-mostly telling myself that the light of day would bring the answer. Breakfast was a big challenge, but I managed to get some hot drinks to stay down. At the decision moment, I felt less nauseous so I elected to give it a go. My duffle was given to a porter so I could turn around at any point.

I knew slow and steady was the way and just put one foot in front of the other. I was surprised that I wasn't too far off the pace since I expected to be bringing up the rear. A few times I ran out of gas and would take a "GU" (basically flavored corn syrup) to give me the energy to keep going.

We arrived at Tuglha for lunch and I managed to keep soup down-though still not many calories on board for the day. After lunch we climbed the Tuglha hill to the Memorial Chortens for both Westerners and Sherpas who have died in the mountains. The group drew quiet and stopped to take in both the sobering and inspiration sense of the place.

I got very emotional when I saw Sean Egan's chotren. He, like me, was a university professor in Canada seeking to inspire his students to higher aims. He died at Everest base camp in 2005. Last year, one of his students summitted Everest in Sean's honour.

After lunch, I was able to stay with the front runners of the group, though that wasn't my intention. When we reached Loboche, the basecamp doc remarked, "TA you kick ass!" It was then that I realized the gift of the different kind of dispatch. I could see, and take in and claim, the mental and physical strength I possessed today in gaining 600 meters on clear fluids alone. Feeling poorly allowed me to reduce my own expectations of myself and that freedom was a gift.

As we climbed higher, we began to be cradled closer by the snow-covered peaks. We left Ama Dablam behind as we climbed a peat-covered bench and the mountain shined her pearlish summit in a way that is hard to describe. As we near basecamp (only three more sleeps!), I find the excitement in my belly growing and expanding and I'm eager to see my home for the next months.

TA
This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

"There's TA!!!" is a chorus we heard from thousands of students in the dozens of schools we visited in the province.  Please keep those messages coming as TA loves hearing from the students that she has met.  Judy

This was another rest/acclimitization day. After breakfast, I headed out solo again up the valley towards Chhukung and Island Peak. After yesterday's high, I had a sense I might struggle again with "pace" so I thought it would be good to reduce the amount of external stimuli. I knew it was time for to work with "The Climb Between My Ears." 

As someone pointed out in response to one of my dispatches, climbing Everest will be as much an internal process as external. So far on the trek to basecamp, it's been an intense internal process. By the end of walk today, I'd succeeded in reducing the amount of chatter in my mind and enjoyed drinking in my external surroundings rather than my internal landscape. 

After lunch, we ventured down to Pheriche to hear the High Altitude talk at the Himalayan Rescue Association Aid Station. We were reminded that it never makes sense to ascend when experiencing any symptoms of acute mountain sickness. The memorial outside the clinic was another stark reminder of the potential consequences of bad luck or bad decision-making. 

Tomorrow we make another big jump to Loboche. Hopefully everyone does well with the second night at this altitude. 

Thanks to the students at Macpherson Elementary-I enjoyed your messages. I am climbing the South Col route and I will be on the mountain until the end of May. 

Catch ya tomorrow, 

TA

This Everest-007 Update is made possible through the generous support of AppleCore Interactive, www.applecore.ca

http://www.colemaneverest.com/coleman/everest/trackmike.htm

Please note that TA’s updates are initially posted to:

www.myeverest.com/ta

At the myeverest web site, you can post messages to TA, see her pictures beside the daily updates, and follow Paul Adler of Australia during his second Mount Everest climb.

Judy

Location: Deboche
Weather: Snow and cold in the morning, sunny and warm after
Elevation: Same as yesterday

Soon after breaKfast we headed down trail for about 10 minutes to the Deboche Nunnery. It houses six nuns at the moment and we made a special effort to visit since it receives far fewer visitors (and therefore less donations) than the Tengboche Monestary.

A young nun opened the prayer hall and watched with curiosity as we Westerners explored the unfamiliar surroundings. I was struck by the Buddhist iconography that adorned the walls and several times I became teary at its meaning that provides comfort and direction in my life.

Since we knew the Rinpoche was not going to be in residence today at the Tengboche Monestary, several of us chose to light butter lamps in offering for our safe ascent and descent of Mount Everest. This was an emotional moment for most as we squarely faced and accepted the dangers that lie ahead.

After lunch, I headed back up to Tengboche on my own. It was great to have some time hiking alone and I climbed high above the village to commune with thousands of prayer flags catching the wind. The ridge had several chortens (memorial sculptures) to past lamas of the monestary.

The Tengboche monestary allows visitors to observe afternoon chants. The young monks had an assortment of modern logoed clothing in yellow, orange, and red. After the conch blew, they quickly came back with traditional robes covering their more modern accouterments.

They assembled behind the head monk who swung burning juniper. The aromatic smoke filled the hall along with the melodic chants and mantras. The vibration in the hall seemed to emaniate from deep within the polished wooden floor and cradled all who heard the rhythmic syllables.

So, as this day comes to a close, I am deeply appreciative of having the dharma (the teachings of the Buddha) in my life and, I suspect from past experience, that climbing Everest will provide many more embodied lessons of my Buddhist path.

Tomorrow we make a big jump in elevation as we climb to Dingboche.

Thanks to all for your supportive messages. I receive a compliation email once a day when I send out this update. A true highlight to each day.

TA

Location: Last Night in Namche
Activity: Training Hike to Thame
Weather: Another Day In Paradise
Highest ElevationToday: 13,200 feet

It's Sunday. I usually send out a weekly summary to my cyber support team on Sundays. In honor of that reflective tradition, I am going to make an audio blog called called Sushi and Showers. Be sure to listen in to hear more. TA

Note: TA's audio blogs are available at www.myeverest.com

Judy

From our high perch above Namche, the blue, red, and green roofs of the village form a vivid patchwork of color reminiscent of a Shepani's apron. Soon after breakfast, we headed down to town to take in the weekly market that draws folks from neighboring villages.

The market is crowded with goods and people: spices, recently slaughtered meat, chinese shoes, and packaged food stuffs abound. We squeeze through and then explore Namche's horseshoe shaped, cobbled streets.

My First Post Mail
Congrats to my Mom and Dad, Brenda and Jean-Marcel, and Karen for getting me my first post mail. It arrived today with Jangbu when he arrived from Kathmandu. Have I mentioned that I look to receive snail mail? My post address is on my website: www.taloeffler.com.

Introductions
Today I met my personal climbing Sherpa, Mingma Ongel Sherpa. He is from Phortse. Our sherpa team has 76 collective Everest summits. Mingma has summitted four times! I very much look forward to climbing with him.

The base camp doctor also arrived today. Turns out I met her in Pheriche in 2002 when she helped me get over a high altitude gastritis problem from drinking too much Nepali tea. A small world indeed!

Location: Namche Bazar
Highest Elevation Today: 3880 metres
Weather: Couldn't be better!

The night was punctuated by the a chorus of dogs competing for the loudest bark award. Morning came a delightful light and lofty views of snow covered peaks.

Everest View
We headed up to the Everest View Hotel to catch our first view of Everest. Many ohs and ahs and photographs were had. Flat Stanley was very excited to see the mountain so early in the trip. Using binoculars, we tried to identify numerous landmarks on the peak. One thing that did not escape notice was the huge plume coming off of the summit.
Acclimitizing
The hike provided us with a chance to stretch our legs and breathe deep while we introduced our bodies to the new altitude. The idea is to climb high and sleep low as a way to acclimitize. One acquires funtional acclimitization about one week after such an introduction but complete acclimitization requires four to six weeks. You can't rush acclimitization-only support the process.

Tomorrow is Market Day
Tomorrow is market day in Namchee. Many porters and sellers will arrive with goods in baskets like I showed yesterday. There will also be meat, vegetables, and spices for sale.

Lukla to Base Camp
Someone asked about the distance to Everest Base Camp from Lukla. In my experience, people often think more in hours of travel or elevation gained. We are taking 14 days to trek to basecamp because we have lots of time and want to acclimitze well. In 2002, I got there in 8 days because I was ready acclimitizated from a previous trek.

Other Views
There are a few other folks on the expedition who have websites they are updating. Here are the URL's if you'd like some other perspectives on the trip:

www.colemaneverest.com
www.drtimwarren.com

In answer to another question, I do have a brother. His name is Mike.

Finally, today I felt like I was easing into my Nepal life. I'm apprecating being back here surrounded by beautiful peaks and wonderful people.

TA

Back to 2002
Today as I trekked I remembered many more of the sights and sounds of the Khumbu. Passing tea houses where I had a meal or crossing suspension bridges over the Dudh Kosi, memories tugged at my heart repeatedly and I was transported back to 2002.

I repeatedly brought myself back to 2007 so I could drink in the colors, smells, and sensations of this trek. I can't go far without the aroma of dung or wood smoke filling my nostrils.

Humility Awaits Around Every Corner
I am passed frequently by trains of zupkios (a yak cow mix) carrying reams of gear to higher locals. Humility is dished out at similar intervals when I notice the porters outpacing me using baskets to transport loads that weigh almost as much as I do.

We all dread the Namche Hill (a 600 metre gain) to close the day. It turns out, like most anticipated challenges, to be easier than we expect, and we arrived at camp in time to organize and get things dry.

One funny thought I had today was that the preparations for Everest were like prep school and the trek in, like "finishing school". Altitude does funny things to my thoughts.

I'm feeling good and looking forward to exploring the Namche area as we take an acclimitization rest stop. TA

Elevation: 8700 feet
Weather: Pouring Rain

At last, after 18 months of planning, the trek to Everest has begun. We flew to Lukla early this morning on Yeti Airlines. Flat Stanley was excited for his first flight on a Twin Otter. We trekked about 4 hours to Phakding, arriving in the pouring rain. 

I spun my first prayer wheels asking for determination, courage and confidence. Prayer wheels often mark the entrance to villages. They are brass ringed wheels with prayers imprinted in the brass and on scrolls inside. As the wheel spins, the prayers are released. 

It's very good to be underway as walking helps the nerves move on as life becomes the simple task of putting one foot in front of the other.  

We're off to Namche tomorrow.

TA